Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I am stuck in my marriage and feel that my husband is the wrong man for me.
Our marriage was kind of arranged by our parents. We grew up together and our families are really close. I was never really attracted to my husband as we were growing up. He was nice to me, but I liked other guys.
Whenever I was going through something with other guys, he was there for me.
He is easy to talk to because he is a great listener.
However, I like men who are:
- Tall
- Dark
- Physically attractive.
My husband is:
- Short,
- Fair skinned
- A little over weight.
He provides well for me and our daughter, but I do not feel like he is the one for me. I have cheated once and find myself looking at other men often. I need physical and sexual gratification to be happy. Am I expecting too much and being superficial?
Stuck in Marriage,
Dear Stuck in Marriage,
Everyone desires and deserves to be in a relationship that is:
- Physically satisfying
- Emotionally connected
- Spiritually uplifting
When all three things are working and present in marriage, we feel extremely fulfilled.
I understand the need for physical pleasure and stimulation and believe that it is very important to be attracted to your spouse. However, please understand that physical attraction does and will fade.
Would you prefer to be with a man who is easy on your eyes and good in bed, but tough on you?
This is a challenging situation because physical attraction cannot provide comfort when you are troubled or sad, but it can make you feel good.
To answer your question, I am not sure if you are expecting too much of your husband or being superficial because you are entitled to feel however you like.
Nevertheless, I would encourage you to not allow what feels good to you to dominate what is good for you. Weigh the pros and cons of being with your husband and determine if your physical need is more important than your other needs.
Remember that spiritual and emotional connectivity is what makes marriage last forever.
A lustful eye will cause problems in your marriage and life in general.
Based on the fact that you stated that you need physical and sexual gratification to be happy, I highly recommend that you seek professional help. I do not say this to offend you, but to encourage you to explore potential sexual addictive behavior.
Do not lose your 80 percent stability searching for your 20 percent thrill.
You are not stuck in marriage.
We all have choices and I hope that you make the right choice for you. Please contact me at dwayne@realhorizonsdlb.com if you are seriously interested in coaching. I wish you and your husband the best.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.