Autistic Like Me (ALM) explores the unbridled and unfiltered emotions that fathers experience while raising their autistic children. It also shows the world that autism transcends race, ethnicity, social class, economics, and religion.
The making of ALM has been a labor of love for Charles “CJ” Jones. His only son Malik was diagnosed with autism when he was two and a half years old. Parenting Malik, who is now 10, has been a journey for Charles. It was intriguing to listen to Charles explain the therapeutic process he went through as he made this documentary. He remembers the days when he felt the urge to explain Malik’s diagnosis and behavior out of shame and embarrassment. Those emotions are now replaced with pride, understanding, and the need to plug in with his son to learn more about him.
The filming of ALM took place during a weekend retreat that was facilitated by clinical psychologist, Dr. Naseef. Charles recalls the avalanche of emotions that the dads experienced once they arrived and the bond they formed. As we await the premiere of Autistic Like Me, I got the opportunity to speak with Charles about the film and got some great insight about a perspective that is not often explored.
BMWK: How did the idea for Autistic Like Me develop?
Charles: I worked in production and was looking for a meaningful subject to use to direct my first documentary. I had worked on others and contributed but this was going to be the first that I directed. A friend of mine had planted the seed over lunch while we were catching up on family and current activities after having not seen each other for many years.
BMWK: What are your thoughts on how autism is portrayed in the media today and what will set your film apart from other autism-related documentaries?
Charles: Autistic Like Me is not necessarily about autism – it is really about the effect of autism on family – particularly dads. That’s what sets it apart. There is nothing specifically addressing the issues that many fathers are faced with. It’s what led me to do it. There isn’t a man’s voice in the arena of family support.
BMWK: Tell me about your son Malik. How is he doing now? How does he feel about your film?
Charles: Malik is doing great. He’s a smart kid. He has social challenges but he’s getting there. Our struggle for Malik is getting his school to recognize his gifts. My wife and I both believe they sell him short. We’re working on addressing that now. As for the film, he loves it! My son is a ham!! He thinks he’s going to be a star! Lol!! Seriously, he doesn’t really think about it unless it’s on while I am working on it or I’m talking about it. He’s so used to the project now.
BMWK: Describe the emotional evolution that you experienced as a father during the making of this film.
Charles: Before I started the film, I was in a dark place. I wasn’t pleasant to be around. Once the concept became a reality and I had to focus on the work, I wasn’t really conscious of my issues anymore because I was listening to other men and also researching a lot of the issues. I was kind of removed from my own struggles. Once we got in those groups during the filming, I used the groups just like the other dads did. It was genuine for me and it helped me purge a lot of unhealthy thoughts and feelings. I was able to get past a lot of what was holding me back. I started to heal and accept my son and the condition. The eye opener for me was a film – I was invited to the premiere for “Wretches & Jabberers.” It changed everything about how I looked at my son. I slowed everything down and I became more patient and I started to understand him more.
BMWK: How did the other dads respond to making this film? What was the most challenging? What was easy?
Charles: The dads initially were apprehensive. I think the hardest part was getting them there. I think we had booked maybe 22 dads. We chartered a bus and didn’t really need it because a bunch got cold feet. We ended up with 14 dads including myself and Dr. Naseef. Once we got things going, it was as natural as rain for everybody. Here were 14 complete strangers bonding over this issue. We’re talking Black, White, Latin, Christian, Muslim, Jew – Navy Pilot, Police Officers, Attorney…the most diverse group you could imagine and it worked! We could not have written it any better.
BMWK: What do you want society to take away from this film?
Charles: That men hurt. This thing is hard to swallow. There needs to be more awareness of the condition and the effect that it has. We need, as a society, to understand the difficulty and challenges that these families are going through. Not for pity’s sake, just empathy. I may need you to just simply move out of my way – no judgment – just understanding.
BMWK: The mother’s voice is very dominant in the autism community. What do you want mothers to know about the emotions dads experience when their child is diagnosed with autism?
Charles: That we want to help. We just need you to understand what we are going through. We know you shoulder most of the work – we’ll get there – just be patient with us. Men are not accustomed to dealing with these kinds of feelings.
BMWK: When can we expect this film to hit theaters and where can readers go to learn more about it?
Charles: Well, I would love to say right now that we have a theatrical release, but not yet. We just won Best Documentary Feature at a really nice festival in Atlanta, The Urban Mediamakers Film Festival. We’re in consideration at a couple more festivals and we’re doing our NYC premiere the first week in December. That should be confirmed any day now. We’re working with Fordham University and the Kiwanis organization to make that happen. The website is being redone as we speak and you can follow us on Twitter and get the day to day stuff from our Facebook page.
BMWK: During our conversation you mentioned that this has grown into a movement. Please elaborate.
Charles: We just established a non-profit (501c3) organization – ALM Outreach. As the film lives its life, we will eventually start a campaign and travel to different cities and use the film (and a short version of it) to empower fathers to meet to discuss the issues that we are confronted with. There are very few men’s groups or father forums that deal with the challenges that a special needs dad is dealing with. We won’t fill that void necessarily but our plan is to be the catalyst to inspire these forums/groups to begin and/or grow. Most men, like me suffer in silence. That has such a negative effect on the family – it’s unhealthy. We want to demonstrate to other men that there is nothing to fear and nothing to be ashamed of. When watching this film, there is someone in the film that you will be able to relate to. We have a plan put together, which was actually done before the film was even completed. As the film makes its rounds you will start hearing more about the outreach. We have to first make a mark with the film.
BMWK: Is there anything else that you will like others to know about Autistic
Like Me?
Charles: Please support it. It’s powerful – it’s meaningful and I promise you will learn something from it.
BMWK: A special thank you goes out to Charles for taking the time to tell us about Autistic Like Me and for sharing some unique insight on what it is like for fathers raising children with autism. Please check out the trailer for Autistic Like Me and stay tuned for the 2014 premiere date.
BMWK: What are your thoughts on raising a child with autism?