I love conversations about love and marriage. When people open up about their relationships and true heart to heart conversations take place, I’m usually all ears, ready to offer support, share my own experience, or just listen.
This past week, in particular, was especially powerful because it was my first time participating in a prayer call with the Anointed Wives Ministry. This amazing group of women rise early every Thursday morning to discuss and pray over marriages and each other. God was definitely present on this call and the anointing was obvious.
We, as women, wives, and mothers, get worn out. It’s a fact.
During the call, which focused on discussing love, marriage, sex, and my new book, one woman asked “so, should wives never say “no” when it comes to sex with her husband?” Basically, she was wondering should we, as wives, always be ready, willing, open and able when our husbands are in the mood.
It’s a great question and one that many wives have concerns about. My short answer was that exhaustion is real and we can’t always say yes. We, as women, wives, and mothers, get worn out. It’s a fact.
We need rest and relaxation and we must take care of ourselves. While it isn’t always realistic to be in a sexual mood and desire your husband daily, you also don’t want to make a habit of using excuses for the lack of intimacy in your marriage. It gets old and easily too comfortable.
When we get comfortable saying “no” it can quickly become the new normal in our marriages. We will begin to get used to not being intimate and unfortunately our husbands will eventually stop expecting it from us altogether. Even when they stop expecting it from us, it won’t mean they stop desiring sex.
Wives must be careful of the habits they are establishing in their marriages. Most marriages can’t survive months without sex. It just does not work.
Both a husband and a wife want to feel desired. We want to feel as though we’re still attractive to our spouse. And yes, we still want to feel the enjoyment that comes from being intimate. A marriage shouldn’t be void of it.
So, when the realities of life kick in, as they often do, we have to start making sacrifices and asking for help when we need it. Going to bed on time ensures that you get the rest your body needs, reducing the chance that you won’t have enough energy to be intimate with your husband.
Occasionally, you may have to work through the sleepiness you might be experiencing. You may also have to remove that “s” from your chest and ask your spouse to take something off your plate, relieving you of some of what may be causing you stress.
There are also other factors that contribute to wives saying no so often, and those also have to be worked through. When we’re upset for example, withholding sex doesn’t resolve your situation. Discussing it with your spouse does. You must stop using sex as a weapon or as a form of punishment, but as a powerful connection a husband and wife should share.
So, back to answering the original question: wives shouldn’t only think of sex as something just for their husbands to enjoy. We should steer away from the idea that we have to be on and rarely say no. What if we were to, instead, seek ways to get just as excited about sex as our husbands are to have it with us.
BMWK, what are your thoughts, should wives always say “yes” when it comes to sex with her husband?