I’ve been married for 29 years. And throughout this time, I’ve experienced the glow of my emotional love account being full to over flowing. And I’ve also had the heart break my emotional love account being not just empty, but in the negative with no reserve.
You see, this emotional love account is like a financial bank account. You make deposits through your positive heartfelt actions and you make withdrawals by your requests. And just like a financial bank account, you can earn interest on what you deposit and you can overdraw your account too. And just like your bank account, not everything deposited into your emotional love account earns the same interest. As well, when the account is overdrawn there are consequences to pay….just like when you pay that overdraft fee at the bank.
Don’t make an emotional deposit into a negative account and expect a return
Your Wife’s Trust and Emotions are Tied Together
Have you ever thought about trust and emotions being entangled together? I have. Deposits into your wife’s emotional love account and trust go hand and hand (at least that’s my perspective.) The consequences of an overdrawn emotional love account result in mistrust and disconnection. While a full emotional love account builds trust and intimacy.
Look at this example from my life and see if you can find yourself (or your wife) in it.
If my husband remembers the one year anniversary of my father’s death and helps to make that day a little lighter for me, he will deposit into my emotional love account. If he holds me tight and even ask if there is something I would like to do in memory of my father – my goodness that would be a large deposit into my emotional love account. He further builds my trust and confidence in him as he expresses concern for what happens in my life. That trust produces happiness, gratitude, and security. On the other hand, doing nothing in a situation like this can produce anger, disappointment, and the feeling of not being understood.
To deposit in your wife’s emotional love account is not about a touchy goosebumps feeling. The investment is far greater. It’s about building and maintaining a trust that lasts a lifetime.
Having an emotionally healthy marriage is just as important as having a financially healthy marriage. You can sustain being financially broke for a while. But a broken spirit that is emotionally damaged, who can sustain that?
Remember, you can’t withdraw from an empty account.
If you haven’t deposited anything, it’s impossible to keep withdrawing from your wife’s emotional love account. You must get the account back to a zero balance. And then, keep making deposits in order to have a positive balance. Only then will you have funds on reserve from which to make a withdrawal.
In other words, don’t make an emotional deposit into a negative account and expect a return.
If you do something great for your wife, you’re probably expecting a great response. However, if her emotional love account is in the negative, she’s waiting to see if this is really real or if it is a one-time occurrence… just to get what you want. Her tank is empty and the trust is not there. But don’t worry, keep making those deposits and watch things begin to change between you and your wife.
How to Fill Your Wife’s Emotional Love Account
Here is what Dr. Gary Chapman (author of the awarding-winning, bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages) has to say about how to fill your wife’s love tank (or what I am referring to as the emotional love account)
“Material things are no replacement for human, emotional love. A wife says, “He ignores me all day long and then wants to jump in bed with me. I hate it.” This is not a wife who hates sex; this is a wife desperately pleading for emotional love. Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another.
I believe this need can be met in any marriage, if each of them will discover the primary love language of their spouse and speak it regularly. There are only five love languages. Your spouse desperately craves one of them. Make it your goal to discover it and speak it, and their love tank will be full.” – The Gary Chapman Team
Listen, all women are not like me. So you have to know your wife beyond a shadow of a doubt. I know I’m not alone in the need to have deposits made into my emotional love account. So this is insider information. If you take heed you may be surprised at the results.
BMWK – If you are wife and you are reading this, what is the status of your emotional love account …is it full, zero balance, or even in the negative? Do you know your love language or what it is going to take to make deposits in your account? Husbands, if you do not know your wife’s love language, then we suggest reading The Five Love Languages with your spouse.