It is my hope not to offend when I ask this question, but does the intimacy in your marriage only take place on birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day and Christmas? If you’re withholding the goodies and saving it for the next holiday, it may not work for your marriage long term. Here are a few reasons why:
The sex becomes predictable and, well, that just isn’t exciting. Intimacy should be spontaneous. If you always know when it’s happening and how it’s happening, you won’t look forward to the experience. You risk having marriage boredom. Couples should find themselves caught in hot and steamy moments more often. Lovemaking shouldn’t be scheduled or penciled into a date book. It’s always better when it just happens, naturally and spur of the moment.
If sex is being saved for those special moments only, it will definitely be less frequent. It might end up being only four to five times a year, and, honestly, who really benefits from that? Effective communication guides our verbal connection, and intimacy guides our physical connection. Marriages don’t work without either of them.
It may seem more like an obligation than a desire to your partner. Intimacy is for both partners to enjoy. It shouldn’t happen for the sole benefit of just one. Couples must find a way to make sure the lovemaking is satisfying the desires of both partners. It should never feel like a chore but be more of an experience you both look forward to and get excited about.
People have needs. When needs aren’t being met infidelity happens. Married people cheat for a variety of reasons, but the top of that list usually has a lot to do with a lack of sex within their marriage. If there’s something preventing it from happening, it must be discussed. Intimacy is within our control.
The good news is there have been so many amazing posts here on BMWK that speak to intimacy and the need for more of it in marriage. We’ve learned how to keep the marriage flame burning. We were taught how to get ourselves in the mood. And we were even given the reasons why we may not be getting any sex at all. With all of this information at our fingertips our marriages should be overflowing with intimacy. Or at the very least, we should have solutions on how to fix it if it’s broken.
BMWK, what are other reasons why saving intimacy for special occasions won’t work for a marriage?