When is the last time you…..? Well I think that is a question we need to ask ourselves more often in our relationships. The truth of the matter is that in long-term relationships, routines sometimes begin to dominate our lives and we start forgetting all of the little things we used to win over our mates.
People always say “the same things you did to get them you have to do to keep them” but if we are being honest, though that sounds good, we don’t always execute. A big part of executing is simply being conscious.
Just because the little things don’t always come naturally anymore doesn’t mean they aren’t meaningful or appreciated. Do what you have to do to remember and if that means putting a reminder in your phone or putting it on your calendar then DO IT!! Here is a list of things to get you started that should draw you closer rather than farther apart.
It’s time for a gut check. For each of the following ask yourself “When is the last time I…”
1) Planned and executed a date without asking her “what do you want to do?”
Your wife still wants to feel like you are willing to take initiative and she thinks it’s sexy when you do it. She gets tired of hearing “what do you want to do?” Sometimes she wants to hear “this is what I have planned so be dressed and ready by 8 because I got this!”
2) Did something that HE wanted to do?
He may not say it often but he likes it when you show some interest in the things that he likes to do. If he likes sports, attend an event or watch the game with him; maybe even fix him some wings and bring him a beer while he watches the game.
3) Wrote her a hand written love letter?
Before all of the text messaging and emails, there were pencils, pens, and paper and your wife loves when you take the time to use them. There is nothing like the effort and meaning put into a handwritten note or letter.
4) Initiated sex with him without him having to “hint” at it?
There is no surprise that men love sex! What men love even more is a woman who initiates it without him having to feel like he is begging. Catch him one day this week when he comes home from work and put it on him before he has a chance to get in the door good!
5) Told her she is beautiful?
She is still a woman and hearing that she is beautiful from her man still gives her butterflies! Give her those butterflies!
6) Told him how much you appreciate him?
Being appreciated and respected is like music to a man’s ears. We love to be appreciated for our efforts because ultimately we just want to make you happy!
7) Sent her flowers or an edible arrangement to her job?
She wants to be able to show off in front of her coworkers and she wants to know you are thinking about her. Just do it one day this week and watch it work!
8) Wore something sexy to bed and took off that head wrap?
Ladies just because you got him and you know he isn’t going anywhere doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to see you in some matching bras and panties. Yeah I KNOW it takes a little more effort to do that and to take off that head wrap but isn’t he worth it?
9) Bought some new briefs, boxers, and t-shirts?
Bruh, she is tired of seeing stretched out briefs with holes in them and dingy t-shirts. Go to Walmart and get some new underwear. Trust me she will notice and it will be more attractive.
10) Actually participated in some foreplay before sex?
I know sex takes time, and foreplay takes even more time, but take the time to participate in it. You may have just forgotten about how enjoyable it is.
11) You cooked for her?
Go to YouTube if you have to and whip up her favorite dish just because. The gesture will mean a lot to her.
12) Took some interest in his passions?
If he is passionate about something in his life or his career ask him about it and take some interest in it. Even take it to the next level and do something to support it by maybe buying him a book or a ticket to a conference; anything to show that you support him and his aspirations.
13) Simply told each other how much you love one another?
“I love you” is such a powerful phrase and we all need to hear it. Don’t assume that your mate knows…instead just get in the habit of proclaiming it!
I know life gets busy and kids and responsibilities scream for your attention; but if your relationship isn’t healthy, then most other things in your life will suffer as well. The person you choose to be with needs the same level of effort that you give to all of the other things in your life and the truth is they deserve it. Get back to being conscious in your relationship and, instead of just existing in it, choose to THRIVE in it!
BMWK, what else do you wish your mate would start doing again?