“Oh and I haven’t forgotten about the fellas, stay tuned… I’ve got some things for them to consider as well!”
That’s how I ended last week’s article entitled Why Does My Man Always Want Sex? 6 Big Things Ladies Must Know About Men and Sex. And, although some toes were stepped on, I think some hearts were opened and it initiated a much-needed dialogue about men and sex.
WELP… fellas, while you were sharing and commenting and tagging your wives to that article, I have to address the other side because it takes two to tango!
Related: Why does my man always want sex? 6 BIG things ladies must know about men and sex!
WOMEN LIKE SEX!! Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, the fact of the matter is that while usually all we men need to want to have sex is a touch here or a look there, your woman needs something more. And, while you can be dog tired, stressed out, and would still jump her bones, most women aren’t built that way.
Men, to turn your woman on and get that body rockin’ good love that you sooo desire, your woman needs you to ‘get her’ and understand a few things as well.
So, here are some things that will hopefully help you and your woman get it on a little, no, a lot more often.
She needs to be attracted to you too!!
I started with this one for a reason. There is a misconception that men are the only ones who are “physical” creatures. But, if you ask your woman, she would say FALSE! So, fellas, simply put, just like you don’t want her to let herself go, she doesn’t want you to do that either.
She wants to see you healthy and without that beer belly. In other words, she wants to see you put some effort into how you look. This means sometimes you need to throw away the holey briefs, buy some new t-shirts and socks, and do some “manscaping” as well (yeah, shaving and smelling good go a long way).
How about you also retire those old sweats and try putting on some nice clothes occasionally and give her some good ole eye candy?! You may not think it matters to her, but it does. So start working out and go shopping and watch her get that look in her eyes again.
It starts in her mind and heart!
Sex is highly mental for a woman and her desire to have sex with you starts way before the physical action begins. When she wakes up in the morning, it starts with your willingness to help make her morning easier with the kids and doing your part in making sure the house isn’t a mess.
It also starts with compliments and thoughtful gestures. Kind words during the day, simple texts that let her know you’re thinking about her, and flirting when she gets home, all help to get her mentally stimulated. In other words, stimulate her mind through your ACTIONS and you’ll stimulate her ACTIONS in the bedroom.
If she doesn’t feel sexy, it’s hard for her to BE sexy!
Fellas, your lady is always fighting a battle with other women, herself, and society about physical appearance, and she needs you, as her man, to affirm how beautiful you think she is. This means tell her, touch her, flirt with her, and let her know you only have eyes for her.
If she isn’t feeling sexy because she isn’t at her physical best, then go workout with her, cook healthy meals for her, buy some new sexy lingerie for her–do whatever it takes to make her feel sexy and feminine again.
Another important thing is to NOTICE her. When she changes something like her hair, nails, fragrance, clothes, etc. pay attention and point it out. All of these things make her feel wanted, desired, and sexy. You play a big role in this, so embrace that role and stop dismissing it and thinking she is just insecure.
Switch it up with spontaneity!
Sometimes the reason she doesn’t want to have sex is because you make it so predictable and routine that she gets bored with it. Change up some little things such as positions, where it goes down, and when it goes down. Maybe you need a little lunch break sex in a hotel close to her job.
Related: Try these 7 sexy ways to help your spouse relieve work related stress and ignite your marriage.
Or maybe get a new karma sutra book and learn how to put her in the Baby Boy Captain Crunch position (yes…that’s really exists). At first she might look at you like “where did this come from?!,” but she will love every minute of it.
Put some effort into the Foreplay and romanticism!
Okay, I get it that sometimes the “F word” just sounds like something that’s going to take forever, but your woman might take a little more to get aroused and she needs you to serve her and her body. You can’t just get a quickie every time, sometimes she needs you to take your time and pay attention to her body.
Be romantic; set the atmosphere; play the music and get out the candles and bubble bath (you know all those things you USED to do). Once you get her turned on, then she will give you all you can handle. But, take your time!
Make it easy for her to find the time and energy
Help her out! Understand that, to a woman, her kids and her household are a big deal, and she is going to make sure those things are taken care of.
Ask her how you can help take some things off of her plate. If she is spending all of her energy doing all of the things you could be helping with, then that might be why she ends up snoring before sexing. Simply ask how you can help and then do the things you say you are going to do.
Guys, instead of getting defensive about the things she needs to help increase her sex drive, just embrace them. Remember, at the core of marriage is a willingness to serve one another and sometimes that means loving your mate how they need to be loved and not how you WANT to love them!
BMWK ladies what other things do men need to understand more about women and sex?