One of my biggest beliefs is that people come (and stay) where needs are being met. I also believe that a lot of marriage and families are falling apart because needs aren’t being met. One day my business partner (Dr. Roz who I do relationship coaching with) broke down what she feels are the top 5 needs for a wife. (listed below) So in response, I came up with this piece which is my challenge to men to step up and start meeting those needs. Check ’em out…
So let’s start with the first one, which is Making Your Wife Feel Desired. I think a lot of times we may not tell our wives how beautiful they look or even pay them any attention but we gotta step up and make sure our wives feel like they’re the most important person in our lives! And on the romance front there are SO many things we can do. We can always surprise our wives with their favorite flowers, send them a card to their job or leave one on the seat of her car, or just give them a foot massage if they’ve had a hard day. But things like romance really comes down to what your wife likes. So fellas, you gotta pay attention to your wife’s needs cause I can sit here all day and spew off what Tee (my wife) likes… but that could be the total opposite of what your wife wants. The moral is that we’ve got to make our wives feel wanted, needed and desired by us.
Next up is Communication. I learned in college, in this class I was taking, that a woman has about 5,000 words to use per day and men only have 1,000. So by the time we get home from work, we’ve already used our 1,000 words, but our wives still have 4,000 left! So to keep up with our wives we’re always gonna be behind but that’s just part of the game.
One of my homegirls once told me to pick 3 things out of my day and to talk with Tee about them when I get home so that I’m sharing with her. I know most of us men really aren’t into talking unless it’s something we care about (hip hop, sports, books, records, sneakers for me) but we have to begin to care about the things our wives care about (as hard as that is…lol) so that we keep the communication in the relationship flowing.
Now onto the next one which is Sex…this is one of the many places Roz and I disagree because she believes that women want sex as much as men. The reason I disagree is because if women want it as much as we do…why does sex always seem to be a problem in marriages? But neither here nor there, according to Roz if we handle the whole desire, romance and communication piece we should be good to go. But remember, we shouldn’t be focusing on our wives needs in return for sex because if we do all that stuff and we still don’t get any, we’ll be looking straight like “I listened to 2 hours of your co-worker’s problems and I didn’t get any? That’s the last time I do that!” Both men and women have to focus on meeting each others needs because it’s the right thing to do, not so that we can get something in return. Remember we’re talking about love here, not the barter system!
Aiight, what’s next? Security and Providing For Our Family. We have to make sure that we’re making sure our family is safe and secure. I can’t think of anything more important than making sure that Tee and Naomi (our daughter) are safe and provided for. Two years ago I got laid off from my job. But I made sure that Tee knew that not a day went by that I wasn’t hustling to make something happen. Whether it’s sending out resumes or through my music, my writing, the marriage work that I do with Dr. Roz or simply just praying on what God had for me next. I HAD to make sure Tee knew that her and Naomi wouldn’t EVER have to worry about me being some lazy dude who wants to be taken care of. So I can definitely relate to what Roz is talking about. So if you’re that dude, who wants his wife taking care of him while you play Madden 25, 24/7…come on fam…it’s time to man up and be the head of the household God called us all to be.
And last but not least, we’ve got Commitment, Honesty, Love and Support. So basically in a nutshell we need to be committed and faithful which I don’t think is a tall order. I mean, why are we in a relationship or married if we wanna still be out in the streets messing with other women? A huge piece of commitment deals with communication in my opinion and that communication deals with the honesty piece. If you’re not happy in your marriage you have to tell your wife about what the beef is and give her a chance to help fix what’s wrong.
A wise man once told me that if your spouse tells you they’re not happy, what they’re really telling you is “I’m giving you first dibs on making me happy” but that no one is gonna go through their life unhappy. So men, if you’re not happy and you’re thinking about dipping out on your wife, share with her that you’re not happy and figure out a way for both of ya’ll to fix things so you don’t have an affair and tear your family apart.
The love and support stuff is what we should be giving our wives but if we’re falling short, let’s step up front fellas and make sure our wives don’t have to doubt or wonder if we love them. To make sure we’re doing our jobs, we need to sit down and ask our wives how we can show them the love and support that they need. Too many of us leave that “love and support” piece to chance because WE think we’re doing what our wives want and need but we gotta make sure they’re satisfied with the job we’re doing.
Wow…that was a lot but our wives need a lot and we gotta step up to the plate and make sure we’re providing our wives with EVERYTHING they need! So fellas, let’s figure out what we’re gonna do this week to show our wives some love in the areas that we covered today (too many to mention…lol) and not just how to do it this week but how we can do it and keep it going on a consistent basis. Like my dude Lil Fame from MOP would say “it’s game time”!