What you focus on is what will grow and it might be about time that you stop focusing on everything that is wrong in your relationship! I think at times we forget that we chose our mates for a reason.
You talked the big talk, you had the big wedding, you professed your love and commitment to this person and now you’re a few years in and your entire tune has changed!
The sad part is that you don’t even realize that your attitude is causing a divide in your relationship and that’s bound to cause a crack in the foundation.
Stop Acting Like Marriage is Anti-Fun
Being in a relationship is not the equivalent to having a life that’s the opposite of fun. Sure, sometimes the type of fun you have has to shift because of priorities and responsibilities but please stop acting like you can’t have any fun once you’re in a relationship.
This is the person you chose to be with, yet you spend more time breaking them down than building them up.
If you can’t still have fun with your mate then you are probably with the wrong mate. If you don’t have any freedom to go have fun without your mate then that might be an issue too; but please stop blaming your relationship for the reason you don’t like to have fun.
Stop Blaming Your Mate For Everything
NEWS FLASH! Your mate isn’t the one to blame for everything that’s wrong all of the time. For everything that goes wrong in your life you tend to blame your mate or take it out on your mate and that’s just not right. No one is perfect, including you; so, you should also be held responsible for some of the negative aspects of your marriage as well.
Secondly, stop making your mate the fall guy with your friends if YOU are the real culprit. Y’all know what I’m talking about! When your boys or your girls want you to come out and have some fun and you really don’t want to go so you blame it on your mate.
You might say something like “I would come, but my ole lady is trippin!” or you might say “I would come, but my husband needs me for….”
Many times your mate wants you to go, but you constantly use them as your excuse and then wonder why your friends look at your mate funny. You have them thinking that your wife or husband is some controlling, insecure person when in reality they aren’t. Be careful what you put off on your mate as you’re building their perception for them.
Stop Dogging Your Mate
This is a big pet peeve of mine! If you are in mixed company or in front of other people, please stop belittling or dogging your mate. This is the person you chose to be with, yet you spend more time breaking them down than building them up.
You tell the world all things negative about your mate and then wonder why they think he or she is a joke, or a bad spouse. What you don’t seem to promote is all of the positive things your mate might bring to your life, or you’ve forgotten about the fact that this is supposed to be your best friend. Stop being so quick to condemn them and so slow to praise them.
Stop Acting Like It’s So Exhausting
YES, marriages and relationships take effort. But you don’t have to act like it’s like running a marathon every day. Yes some days are harder than others and some seasons take more energy and effort, but remember why you started and why you chose to commit yourself to this relationship.
If you always make it seem like your relationship is the most exhaustive thing ever, then it will not only begin to take a mental and emotional toll on you, but it will also begin to make you resentful. If you’re that exhausted, then maybe you are spreading yourself too thin in other areas of your life and need to seek some balance. You can’t make your relationship the scapegoat for all things stressful.
It’s a New Year and the truth is that your relationship won’t get better unless YOU do! You have to first become conscious of the things that are draining your relationship and one of these 4 things might be at fault. It’s the little things that can make the big differences!
BMWK, which of these behaviors do you need to stop today?