by Eric Payne
Christmas is only days away and the New Year is just around the corner. Everywhere on television and the Internet someone is promoting the holidays for the sake of making a sale. The expectation in the air is peace, joy and love for all. This expectation switches on a couple weeks before Thanksgiving and kicks into high gear on Black Friday. There are many who anticipate this season and handle it with the Eye of The Tiger like the Crazy Target Lady. But in truth it is a sudden and mostly fabricated switch in behavior and attitudes as compared with most of the rest of the year.
The holidays are not a season of good tidings and joy for all. For a large, overlooked community, it is a time of dread, misery and sorrow. Key family members, such as a parent or a spouse may have passed away prior to the season; co-parented children’s holiday schedules need to be mapped out and/or negotiated; reminders of past and present personal failures bubble forth; unemployment or just simply affording the holidays looms large overhead; and probably number one on the list: people may be going through the season on the wrong side of love.
Me, Me, Me”...
I’m no psychiatrist but as someone who has spent many holidays alone I accidentally discovered how to endure. I took the focus off me and flung myself headfirst into community service. Whether it was seeking out the homeless at Port Authority bus station in Times Square in order to feed them hot meals, or emptying out my cabinets and closets to donate to food and clothing drives, I reversed the paralysis brought on by my own misery by doing something to help those who have much less than me. Believe it or not, as bad as you may think you have it, someone is worse off than you. These days you don’t have to go very far to see and appreciate this with your own eyes. In the process you can also be an example of volunteerism to your family. And it’s easier than ever to discover volunteer opportunities in your area thanks to Google and sites such as Volunteers of America, Volunteer Match and Idealist.
“˜Tis the Season to Give, Right?
Many times when we are on the wrong side of love we trick ourselves into believing that we have no one to give to. Do you have a favorite coffee shop or restaurant where the staff knows you by name, a teacher who is doing a great job with your child, coworkers, classmates, choir members or any person you appreciate who normally doesn’t make it to your gift-giving list? If you are able to, consider doling out small tokens of your appreciation. Wine bottles and gift cards will send shockwaves of joy through the hearts of those who would never expect anything from you and who knows seeing their joy just may bring a smile to you face.
Reconnect With You & Your Higher Power
Sometimes personal misery likes to blind you from the fact that you have something that all those “happy people” don’t: time. You have an opportunity to catch up on your favorite books and movies, exercise, a new or overlooked hobby, church, prayer, etc. You have the chance to meditate, get positive about the future, seek out therapy, start going back to church to reconnect with your God. Whatever it may be for you, the possibilities are endless. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do while everyone else is making their rounds at Christmas parties or climbing all over each other for $8 discounts at the stores.
By no way should any of these suggestions be considered a cure. There is no magic pill or potion to escape the holiday blues. Sometimes therapy is the only long-term solution. But by investing into the lives of others, you invest into your own and will be the richer for it. To state the wisdom of the elders, “Don’t let anything or anyone steal your joy!” Please, don’t let anything keep you from being a blessing in the lives of others.
BMWK readers who have suffered and survived the holiday blues, what methods can you add to these “remedies”?
Author of the now infamous, My Wife Is NOT My Friend (on Facebook), Eric talks about being a father and a husband on his blog, Makes Me Wanna Holler ““ Man, Dad, Husband. You can follow him on Twitter or find him chopping it up on his Facebook Page. He is the author of I See Through Eyes, a book of poetry and short stories. In his “spare time” Eric reviews autos and writes relationship articles for Atlanta-based J’Adore Magazine.
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