I absolutely love the work that I am purposed to do as a Relationship Life Coach. In my last real talk roundtable discussion for women the topic of body image and finding your inner sex kitten came up. Below is an excerpt from the conversation and the recommendation I offered.
Roundtable Participant:
After having children my body looks and feels completely different. I try to watch what I eat, and I do exercise sometimes to keep my weight in check. But honestly, I don’t feel like any of those things help at all.
I just don’t feel sexy anymore.
My husband would not be interested in watching me perform a strip tease. My body does not even come close to those dancers he would enjoy looking at in a strip club.
He probably would just laugh at me, because I would look so stupid doing it. Hell, I rarely ever get dressed and undressed in front of him and I definitely don’t have sex with the lights on anymore.
My Response:
You are correct. Your husband would not enjoy watching you dance for him. Your insecurities about your body, and your feelings of embarrassment would be so apparent that it would be quite a painful experience for both of you. I guarantee you that your husband does not view your body with the same critical and harsh eye that you do.
He probably finds it uncomfortable to initiate romantic moments because he senses your insecurities due to the change in your attitude and behavior.
In an effort to explain away your body imperfections, I am sure you remind him out loud every chance you get of the new dimples in your thighs, and the love handle you didn’t have before having kids.
I challenge you to be a little daring and start looking for things to do that would nourish your self-esteem, strengthen your self-image, and make you feel better about yourself inside and out.
Honey, you are going to have to deal with this before you create a divide in your marriage that leaves a black hole of intimacy. This is your issue, and unless it’s repaired you are going to slowly but surely destroy an important part of your marriage.
Let’s Dance
There are a quite a few ways to approach solving this issue. In fact, there are a myriad of yoga, Pilates, weight training, and high energy spin classes you could take. However, if you’re looking for fun ways to address your physical concerns that challenge and stimulate you mentally and emotionally, and that would also fire up your man, I’d like to suggest you do a little dancing – to be exact:
- Pole dancing
- Belly dancing
- Strip aerobics
What’s in it for you?
- Great exercise
- Build confidence
- Learn sensuality
- Learn to appreciate your body and how to work with what you’ve got
So What’s Gonna Really Turn Your Man On
- Your incredible non-stop stamina
- Your amazing body control
- Your inner Beyonce! Just as she became Sasha Fierce, you will transcend your everyday persona and completely give way to the sex kitten inside
- Your newfound confidence
- Your freaky deaky attitude
Women, men notice and are attracted to your attitude and your confidence.
Yes, they are visual creatures and quickly assess your physical assets. But, it is your attitude and your confidence that draws them to you.
Attitude Draws Them, Technique Keeps Them
I strongly suggest that you join a class to ensure proper technique, but more so for the camaraderie. If you are too self-conscious or too shy to take it off in a public setting you can learn to do any of these things in the comfort of your own home.
You can purchase a portable pole, exotic costuming, and beginner to advanced level instructional videos and work on bringing your inner sex kitten out at home.
If you are still a little anxious about taking a class, ask a friend or a group of friends to join you. I promise you that you will not have to twist any arms. On the contrary, if you casually mention that you were thinking about taking a class, you will probably get a few volunteers.
Now, after you have rallied the troops, you can’t back out. If your friend has an engagement and has to miss a class, that does not excuse you from going to class. This is for you. Once you get started, you will make it a priority and will not want to miss a class.
I am warning you that pole dancing, belly dancing, and strip aerobics are all highly addictive. Unlike exercise they don’t require motivation to stay committed. You will find yourself anxiously awaiting the next class.
Most women I know that take pole dancing class, have purchased a pole for their home. They magically find spare time after chores, meals, homework, and little league practice to play on the pole.
I understand that this will not be an easy task. Over the years you have made regular deposits into your mental and emotional self-abuse bank. Therefore it will be a daunting and difficult task to begin the process of withdrawing those negative feelings, thoughts, and emotions.
In order for you to discover your forbidden treasure, you will have to release your inhibitions, fears, feelings of inadequacy, preconceived notions, and can’t do attitude to rediscover your best you. You have to free yourself and fully connect with that person that you want to be and that you are when no one is watching. Once you let go, you give yourself permission to just be, so that the real you can rise to the surface.
You don’t have to know how to dance to participate in these classes. It is not about mastering dancing techniques per se. Yes, you will be taught specific movements and perform routines. Those things after all are a part of the class.
However, these classes are more about connecting with your sensuality, learning to love your body, embracing who you are now, building your self-esteem and confidence, and watching as that once elusive figment of your imagination comes to life. These classes are about learning how to love and seduce yourself.
You have learned the lesson once you are able to look in the mirror as you are seductively removing your clothing, sliding down the pole, or hypnotically swaying your hips and you only see your alter ego or inner person seductively staring back at you.
You instantly recognize and feel the power of her presence. She sees beyond the physical imperfections and only sees your inner beauty. She is the embodiment of sensuality and eroticism. She exudes heat, passion, and raw energy. She has metamorphosed and fully emerged from her shell. She is your inner voice, she is your inner spirit, and she is your freedom personified.
BMWK, what other dance can help you get your sexy back?