by Tricia Clarke
I’ll never forget one of my favorite school projects. It was a book I made called the “A-Z of Black History-Makers.”
Despite having spent most of my life in London, England, nearly all the icons I had included were American. Looking back, it’s hard not to see what a huge influence American culture had on me as a young girl. But I still can’t believe that I fell in love with an American man.
Long-distance relationships are hard enough when you’re in the same country but when you’re 3,000 miles away it’s a challenge to say the least.
The key to any relationship is maintaining communication and when I was dating my husband (way back in 2002) Skype and smartphones were just toys for internet geeks, so staying in touch took extra effort. We relied on international phone cards and good old-fashioned letter writing. And even though I got tired of checking the time difference whenever I made a call or dealing with crackly phone lines I can now appreciate what making that extra effort meant. Staying connected wasn’t easy and the fact that we did for three years, with an ocean between us, says something about our resilience and commitment.
Fast forward 8 years and I’m an American wife and mother, grateful that my prayers were answered but still adjusting to life overseas.
I’ll admit, when I decided to make the move to suburban Maryland I was worried. I couldn’t get images of white picket fences and fresh apple pies out of my head.
And what about our differences? Admittedly, most of them were minor but they existed nevertheless. I wasn’t crazy about my husband’s baggy jeans and pointy dress shoes. (English and American men definitely dress differently).
Also, a conversation about driving can get very frustrating when I have to stop every other word to explain what roundabouts (circles/rotary) traffic lights (stoplights) and car parks (parking lot) mean! And who knew Americans don’t butter their sandwich bread? Not me, until I started making them for my husband.
But I soon realized my fears of turning into a Stepford wife were completely self-imposed. Relocating from one culture to another doesn’t always mean assimilating or giving up your cultural identity because of your environment or for your partner.
As a couple we’ve chosen to embrace our diversity. We frequently take trips to London and Europe and as a result our kids have dual citizenship and a global perspective on life. My husband may have a completely different accent to me but being one half of an international couple has made me appreciate him more and the fact that we found each other in the first place.
Tricia Clarke is freelance print and broadcast journalist and creator of the website BritsAcrossThePond.com, a site that celebrates the British experience in America.