Life within itself can be stressful. When this happens, people need tools and help to be able to get through stressful events in their life. There are some particular things that occur in a marriage that are especially stressful for couples and I want to help you develop the tools that help to build resiliency. If you can build resiliency around some of those stressful moments in your relationship, you can have a long-lasting and healthy relationship. So here are some tips.
Laugh a Lot
You have to literally laugh a lot. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. You have to be able to laugh at each other. You’ve gotta have fun, fun, fun! One of the things that happen in relationships is that they are not fun anymore. It’s all about business, taking care of the kids, or doing this or that. When you lose that fun and humorous element in your relationship, your relationship starts to die out. So, don’t lose the fundamental thing that actually got you and your spouse together in the first place. You were having a lot of fun and you were laughing a lot. So when you hit stressful moments in your relationship, laughing is going to help you get through some of them.
See Your Marriage as a Journey
Most people see their marriage as a commitment. Well, commitments can get dry and dull. You have to reshape that and tell yourself that this is not just a commitment, this is a journey. You were single, looking for someone to be with, and hoping to find someone to bring into your destiny who would be behind you and with you and enjoy this relationship and ride with you. In building resiliency, you need to remember that this is what your marriage is all about. Your marriage is about a ride, a journey, it’s not just a commitment. God brought you two together so you can experience the best of life in everything and you now have someone to share it with. Naturally, you will have some conflict, but it’s not the end…it’s a part of the journey.
Think Positive
Think positive. Yes, I said it. I want you to think positively all the time, not just some of the time. I’ve been married 19 years and I know that people encounter challenges in their lives. They are downright dark and desperate and very hard. I want you to reframe them by taking every negative thing from your marriage and turn them around. Your friends may tell you that you’re probably lying to yourself. I want you to do that. Yes, I said it. Something happens in your brain when you encounter difficult challenges in your relationship. Your brain is trying to make sense of that story. Don’t let your brain take control, you take control.
During my 15th year of marriage, I decided to go to New Orleans and help Katrina victims. I was doing crisis counseling and saw people desperate for their lives. I met a woman who was sitting in a rocking chair. Her house was flooded, she lost family members, and she didn’t know where some were. As bad as that situation was, she was laughing and making jokes. It dawned on me that she was taking every negative aspect of what happened in that storm and she was making it positive. The counselor in me wanted me to make her face her reality. But you have to control the stress. You can’t let it control you.
The bottom line is, when building resiliency in your marriage, you have to own the story.