Fellas, you can’t blame your wife for everything! Now let me tell you why.
I was having a conversation with a young man recently who expressed to me that, although he desires marriage one day, he is starting to reconsider because all of his married friends make marriage seem like a prison sentence.
People are paying attention, especially other men, about jumping the broom. And the way you present your marriage to them matters A LOT. When need to be careful of how we display our marriage, even if it’s in jest. Speaking specifically to the fellas, here are a few things, in which you should stop making your wife the scapegoat.
Because you don’t want to hang out
Fellas, I get it, sometimes you’re just tired and all you really want to do is sit at home with your beer and the television. Then, suddenly your friends call, and they might want to catch the game at the bar or step out for a few, but you really don’t want to go.
Would you say something like, “Nah I can’t come, man, my wife is always trippin’ when I try to leave the house’” or something to that effect?
While to you, that’s a way out without looking old and haggard, to the person you’re talking to, it gives the vibe that your house is a dungeon and your wife is some sort of cruel, vengeful guardian, who doesn’t allow you any freedom or time out of the house with the fellas.
The truth of the matter is sometimes she actually wants you to go out with the fellas so that you can get out of her hair…at least that’s what many women tell me, including my wife!
For all of your stress
Work, kids, organizations and all kinds of things put stress on us in life, but for many men, the only person they blame this stress on is their wife.
They say she’s always nagging or never satisfied or always putting pressure on you. For some men, that’s very true. But, fellas, if it’s minimal, don’t make it the topic of discussion all of the time.
If you’re hanging with the fellas, avoid the temptation to make it a wife bash session because, remember, you chose her for a reason and I’m sure there are plenty more positive things that outweigh those stressors.
Be realistic but don’t be one-sided because that single brother in the group is listening.
For never having any money
So, let’s say you do decide to hang with the guys for a few, but you back out or blow it off when you realize it’s gonna cost some money. Your excuse for not showing up is because “I’m broke. My wife spends all my money.”
I am pretty sure you and your wife can work it out so that both of you have a little extra cash to spend individually, but don’t make it seem like she holds the money captive and you have no say so. If you don’t want to spend that money on the guys trip, then say that. But don’t turn your wife into the Money Nazi or some Somali pirate!
For never having any fun anymore
Being married or having a wife doesn’t have to be anti-fun. If you’re bored or have lost some of your competitive edge, don’t make it seem like it’s because your wife had you spaded.
If you want to have fun again, then find some fun and competitive things to start doing again instead of complaining that your wife stole all of your passion for life.
Truth is many married people DO make their spouse the scapegoat for everything—not understanding that the people they are speaking to only get to hear what they tell them. People who desire marriage are paying close attention to those who are married, but so many times they don’t realize the impact their words are having.
Be conscious of the message you are giving off and the perception it creates. Don’t have people thinking your wife is the villain and you are the victim. That’s your WIFE, and you chose her!
Oh and if all of the above is actually true, then you have bigger problems, and you might want to start addressing them. The beginning of marriage doesn’t have to be the end of fun.
Oh and by the way, ladies, I have a follow-up coming for you as well…stayed tuned if you dare!
BMWK, fellas, have you ever been guilty of this? (Tell the truth–even if your boys might see it on FB, lol)