So last week I saw a segment on the Today show that stated that men spend more time doing housework that women do””by about 8 seconds. That’s right, 8. Unfortunately I could not find the actual video from the show, but trust me ladies, it exists. I did find another blog that reported the same results based on the Today show segment, but all the links to the video were “broken.” So now I feel like a kid explaining how the dog ate the homework.
However, while trying to find the proof of what many BMWK men already know about the amount of work we do around the house, I did come across another interesting post related to men and housework. According to a 2008 report by the Council of Contemporary Families there has been significant strides made in the amount of time that men contribute to “housework.” While many related reports and blogs correctly explain that some of the imbalance in the reported rates of housework that men and women do in the home relates to men still – although only narrowly, being the breadwinners. However the Council’s report showed that men are doing two times the amount of work around the house that they did in the 1960’s and three times as much when it comes to child care.
That’s all great but perhaps the most significant finding is that there appears to be a direct link between the amount of work a man does around the house and the amount of sex they have with their wife. What the report found was that women begin to feel more appreciated when the balance of cleaning toilets, unloading the dishwasher and spending time with the kids becomes more balanced.
The biggest factor attributed to this shift seems to be the amount of hours that the wife works. As more women have taken to the corporate ranks a necessary shift in household responsibilities has occurred to more of a hands-on, balanced approach between spouses.
But wait, hold on, if you work outside of the home and I work outside of the home, then how is all this work inside the home going to get done? Here are a few suggestions for finding balance in the housework and maybe later on in the bedroom:
- Write it down. I am a firm believer that the more things are spelled out the less room there is for argument. So make a list of everything that needs to get done in your house and agree to who is going to do it and for what duration. I am a fan of the monthly rotation.
- Make time on your spare time. As stated, dual income households have more to do; unfortunately they don’t get any more time in the day to do it. So while you are watching the game (fellas) or Real Housewives of Wherever (ladies) fold some clothes.
- Ask. “What can I do to help you?” Everybody has a crazy boss or crazy co-workers, to which there is little we can do to help our partner with. But sometimes just taking the interest to ask to lighten the load in the house makes facing the uncontrollable work situation a little easier.
- Surprise! Do something expected and don’t even mention it. Your spouse has to rush out, leaving a sink full of dishes to clean up later. Wash them. It will take 5 minutes max.
- Pick up after yourself. Gone are the days when a wife stays at home all day (for most/many) to cook and clean and have dinner on the table for her king when he gets home. That was the 1960’s, along with that shift came this more self-reliant model. Now that both husband and wife are working, picking up dirty socks and other “personal” items of clothing might go a long way to maintaining peace in the home. No one, male or female, wants to come home to pick up after another adult. My wife and I have bickered for years about the old mail I leave on the table. I have really really good reasons why that mail should stay there until I feel like getting to it. But, recently it dawned on me that by just throwing that junk mail in the trash I get and keep a happy wife. And as the saying goes: happy wife, happy life. So now when I get junk mail about refinancing my home to a historically low rate, which I know is a gimmick that I am not going to partake in, I throw it in the trash and keep the peace.
- Think of it as an investment. Stock markets go up and down but folding a load of clothes, or taking my son to the park for an hour so my wife can “do nothing” is priceless – later.
I joke about the possible physical bedroom benefits of doing housework, but really it is about sharing the load and making each other feel appreciated. And feeling appreciated opens the mind to intimacy. It is hard to be intimate when there is angst about feeling like a maid or someone’s momma.
If this post is not the circle of life personified I don’t know what is. I never thought my repertoire of player moves would include cleaning a toilet or mopping the floor. But like Dr. Gary Chapman says if your spouse wants the towels folded in thirds don’t argue about it just do it. And to that I add – and enjoy the time together later.
So BMWK who is doing the work in your house? And do you think that a more balanced hands on approach makes a difference in the overall quality of a relationship and ultimately in the bedroom?