by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters
“Before my wedding day, my grandmother gave me this piece of advice: “Child, always keep a little something in the bank that he don’t know about, just in case.”
This was the advice financial expert Michelle Singletary received from her grandma. Undoubtedly, many other grandmothers and mothers have said the same thing to their daughters. A woman, in their estimation, should always have some money set aside for herself.
Perhaps the advice originates from an era when men served as the primary breadwinners and wielded all the financial power. Opportunities for significant employment for women remained far and few between.
Yet, even today as women regularly out earn their male counterparts, the practice of tucking away a secret stash is surprisingly common. According to a 2008 ING survey, 37% of Black women claim to possess a “secret stash of money.”
But can we really blame them?
We live in an age popularized by the likes of Arnold Swartzenegger, Tiger Woods,and Newt Gingrich, where men often display as much self control as a bull in heat. With nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce, women are often left high and dry, penniless and broke in the aftermath. Stashing a war chest in case of the unthinkable seems like a wise decision.
Yet, doing so runs the risk of undermining the trust that is the bedrock of all marriages. Although Michelle Singletary was advised to keep a secret account, she never did.
“My grandmother had good intentions — but she was wrong … For the record, I never opened a secret bank account. I decided if I had enough faith in my man to marry him and trust him with my life, I was going to trust him with my money.”
For some wives, the secret fund may not even be about infidelity. The cash stash may serve as a security blanket or a rainy day fund to spend on goodies. Money secretly tucked away may even represent a way to ensure the financial stability of the marriage, a hedge against a financially inept spouse who might drive the family to financial ruin.
In the hit movie, Jumping the Broom, this is exactly what Angela Bassett’s character does by creating a secret stash that bails the family out after her husband’s serious mismanagement of the family finances.
Whatever the reason, it seems the secret money stash is here to stay.
BMWK family, do you agree with many grandmas the world over? Should a woman keep a secret stash? Do you know someone who does? Does it make sense with the high rate of infidelity? How about in the cases of a financially irresponsible spouse?
Every Monday you can find great insight and tips on managing your greenbacks by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters of MochaMoney.com here on BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.