Previously we discussed the reasons wives need to initiate more sex in their marriages, but there is always two sides to the story. We have to understand and embrace what both sides need more of in a marriage. So with that said, it’s time to talk about what husbands could initiate more of, and that is non-sexual intimacy. This may be the first time you have heard the term used, but trust it is a principle that most (if not all) women embrace. It involves any kind of intimacy that isn’t centered around sex. It can include making time to talk, cuddling, engaging in fun activities together, and so on. Non-sexual intimacy is essential in a marriage, and here are some reasons why husbands need to make it happen more often.
It makes her feel more valued.
If a man views his wife as just some glorified assistant, or sex toy…he done messed up. If he creates an atmosphere that makes her feel like the only time he wants to touch her is when he wants sex…he done messed up. The things I mentioned will make a woman feel less valued in a man’s life. That is why non-sexual intimacy is so important. It shows her that you enjoy her presence. It makes her feel like you hold her in higher regard. She will feel more secure, and it will pour the type of love and emotional fulfillment that she needs. When a woman starts to feel like she is just some interchangeable piece in her man’s life, that can kick open the door to plenty of issues. Make her feel valued, and give her the time and attention that truly speaks to her heart.
It can be great foreplay.
In the award-winning book How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband, it emphasizes how foreplay isn’t just something you do right before having sex. It is something a husband should put into practice way in advance to assist in the sexual build-up within his wife. Non-sexual intimacy plays right into that approach. When a husband shows his wife that he desires her outside the bedroom, it can cause her to have a greater desire for him in the bedroom (or anywhere else they don’t mind getting down). In many cases it can really turn a woman on, and it can help eliminate any possible resentment that comes from feeling like her husband just views her as a piece of meat to poke. It will also allow her to feel more comfortable and open with her husband sexually, which is a huge key to creating great sex for both the wife and her husband.
It can help you grow closer together.
When people mainly focus on sex, it can hinder their ability to nurture a greater foundation in their relationship; the ability to enjoy each other’s presence, and be friends as well as lovers. Non-sexual intimacy will do plenty in helping a couple bond and grow closer together. It will allow for more time to be put into getting in tune with each other, connecting on a deeper level, and growing closer together in that marriage. Because it helps in the areas of emotional and sexual fulfillment, it will allow both parties to get what they need, and therefore create a much happier marriage. Neglecting non-sexual intimacy can drive a huge wedge between husband and wife, and that will only lead to negativity taking over that marriage. The significance of bonding continuously in marriage is huge, and certainly not something any husband should overlook.
Non-sexual intimacy may seem foreign to some, and there may be men that don’t think it’s that important. I’m here to tell you that holding on to that perspective will likely lead you into an unhappy and un-fulfilling marriage. A husband should be mindful of what his wife needs, and understand that what specifically speaks to her heart can vary from other women. So talk to her, as well as experiment with some things. See what works for her, and then keep it going. Providing a wife with non-sexual intimacy will put a smile on her face, and in turn it will make it even easier for her to make her husband smile as well.
BMWK – has the lack of “non-sexual intimacy” been a problem in your relationship? How do you approach the subject with your spouse?
Patricia says
Well said
NaQuetta Mitchell says
Phenomenal Article
Relationship Speaker says
Thank you very much NaQuetta : )
Earline says
My husband and I don’t have sex any more because it just don’t get hard any more it have been about 10months and I keep asking him to go to the doctor and the can help him all he do is work and drink beer everyday. I love him but this is not good for our marriage!
Relationship Speaker says
Sometimes it can be hard for people to seek help when the spotlight is being placed on them alone. His pride may be getting in the way, so make sure you are speaking to him in a loving and positive manner. Be willing to see if there is anything you can do on your end to improve the situation. Also, for many men, simply changing to a healthier diet and exercising could make a big difference. So discuss exercising together, and having the entire house improve their eating habits.
reggie says
My girl introduced me to reading this because she said it meant something to her so I told her if it does I will read it. I found out that she needed me to be more emotionally connected than a beast. I love her foe expressing her self through your writings and I promised her to do better, because I love her more than life.
Anonymous says
That is sooooooooooooo sweet. A wise man to be admired. Keep a open,teachable
mind to do better in all area of your life. Keep God in the midst.
khanyisa says
Well said Mr. S and cristal clear
Ramon Brunson says
This was a good article to read with a lot of great information to improve your marriage. My wife found this article for me to read to become a better husband. thanks for the information
Aanthony says
I’m a married man that is extremely lonely in my marriage because yes I have a non-sexual marriage going on right. What I’m going to say next isn’t a lie nor am I trying to win brownie points. I clean house, do laundry, work 40-50 hours a week, Man of God, give massages w/o being asked, cuddle, take out the garbage, etc and that just a few things I do on a regular….plus we are empty nesters !!! Besides shopping the only thing my wife does more of is sleep. Wwe cuddle she falls asleep, she comes home and she falls asleep on the couch. I went out and bought a Wii game so that we can play it but the real strategy was to keep her from going to sleep all the time. She show me know desire,no passion, no zest and no energy. I plan our date nights, outings, events, dinner, I cook and I even wash the cars. I try to anything/evrything to get her to appreciate me as a husband or/and even to (check this out) reward me with sex but nothing. We have sex maybe 3 times a month and that is only when she initiates. I don’t try to anymore because she show no interest in us so honestly gave up. I told her recently I’m lonely though she apologized for her behavior I knew she was just appeasing me because she doesn’t keep her word to me and that really upsets me. I really don’t like to drink but she likes this certain drink and I will drink it with her hoping that will put her in the mood but she falls asleep.I tried movies, toys,books, cuddling, massages but it doesn’t work. I used to see her naked and would be aroused (she looks very nice too…older Beyonce type)but now I don’t even pay her any attention….sometimes I look right pass her. I have gotten to the point I’m thinking about leaving her because tis has bee going on for years and everytime I bring it up she avoids and evades the subject. She tries to have sex with me a few times for a couple of days then go right back to her old ways and I’m fed up. I lead us in prayer, I read & study the bible, I pray to God about it as well as talk to my wife but no change.
signed:
Fed up !!!
Stephan Labossiere says
I’m sorry to hear about all that you’re dealing with Anthony. It is good to see that have put in a lot of effort to improve things in your marriage. To me there seems to be a deeper issue that isn’t being addressed. Something that jumped out at me is how much your wife sleeps. Despite all your efforts there may be something going on within her that she is battling with. Obviously you can’t force her to open up about it but I think getting a third party involved (pastor, counselor, coach, etc) may be needed. Don’t stay discouraged. Take a moment to pray and ask God yourself how you need to proceed. Follow his directions and you will get what is best for you. Try to stay above the negativity, and stay focused on what it is God wants you to do next.
Anthony says
OOPS I forgot to say that we are in our early and mid 40’s so we aren’t some old 80-90 year old couple.
Rhea says
Great article! I will be sharing this with my husband.
Anonymous says
Is she depressed? Or a hormonal issue?
Anonymous says
You mentioned several times that your wife sleeps a lot. I have to agree with Mr. Labossiere; there may be something going on with her. You may want to add a doctor to that list of people to seek help from. At her age,something as simple as a change in estrogen can cause those very issues.
Torie says
This is a definite issue in my marriage. I have expressed these very things to him several times and nothing changes. It has gotten to the point where I am very turned off intimately! I will absolutely be sharing this with my husband!
Coco says
I absolutely loved this…..some think that women are needy but its the connection/bond that we desire. Personally Im one that doesn’t require much and little things that are not monetary are the best things to me. Im divorced now almost 2 yrs but I hope to carry the hopeful things such as these into something new one day!
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Anonymous says
That is sad to hear. Try counseling if it doesn’t work it wasn’t to mint to be.
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Torre says
Excellent article. I just had this conversation with my husband the other day, he acted as if he didn’t understand and his response was I’ll just slow sex down. I told him that’s not the answer, I just need to feel important and not like the next chick. We have a very active sex life, but it definitely needs more non sexual intimacy. Hope this article helps him understand better of what I’m looking for and been trying to tell him for years now. Thanks for sharing!