Not everyone gets the fairy tale ending the first time around. Some of us get married with high hopes of staying together for the rest of our lives, and unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out like that. For whatever reason, half of marriages end up in divorce. And if that number doesn’t scare you, the next one will: up to 67% of second marriages fail, and you don’t even want to hear the numbers for third marriages.
So with the deck seemingly stacked against you, how can one have hope that the next time around won’t be like the last time? How can you beat the odds and make your next marriage what your first marriage wasn’t?
Learn from your mistakes: While it’d be nice to say you were not at fault for your first marriage not working out, you should be able to admit where you fell short and have room for improvement. Take some time to reflect on what you could’ve done differently, and consider how you will handle things differently if a similar scenario occurred.
Don’t jump right in: We’ve all heard of rebound relationships. Don’t put yourself in that situation. Make sure you give yourself enough time to heal from your previous relationship before getting involved with someone new. We all have baggage but it’s not fair to carry all of yours in when you haven’t taken the time to really mourn the loss and accept what has happened.
Take your time: Once you’ve been married before, sometimes you think you know exactly how to change it the next time. So you go into your next relationship guns blazing planning the next wedding. Don’t be in such a rush to get remarried right away. Enjoy your new relationship and experience it for what it is. Don’t compare your new love interest to your ex-spouse. Don’t try to fast track things to get back to where you were. This is a new journey. Take your time.
Seek help beforehand: Pre-marital counseling is highly recommended, especially for those who have been married before. You want to make sure you’re making the right decisions for the right reasons. Many marriage counselors admit that some of their clients come see them when it’s too late and irreversible damage has been done. Don’t be too proud to get help before your next commitment.
Business as usual: When you’re ready to start your new life with your new spouse, it’s business as usual when it comes to creating a great marriage. You’ll still need to effectively communicate, learn and speak your spouse’s love language, keep the romance alive, and all that jazz. Don’t bring the defeated feeling from your last marriage into this one. Your marriage deserves a fighting chance; give it everything you’ve got!
Statistics are just numbers. They don’t have to scare you and they don’t have to define you. If your first marriage didn’t work out, you’re not doomed to be alone for the rest of your life. You can still find the right person for you and live with the marital bliss you were hoping for in the beginning.
BMWK – what other things need to be considered before getting remarried? If you are remarried, how long did you wait before getting married again? What things are doing you differently this time around.