What are the rules for your grown children (18+) when it comes to living in your home? (disclaimer alert: I am in no way referring to grown children with special needs) I know a lot of you have little ones, and the bloggersphere is dominated with mommy bloggers who are mothers of small children. But there are many of us who have grown children and we have to worry about things like, making sure they graduate, get a job and/or go to college and generally functioning as adults in society. We also have to worry about creating rules for them in our homes when they decide that they want to stay once they have reached the legal adult age.
Rules as they apply to them dating for instance; when it comes to grown children and dating while they are still in your house, what do you allow? I find that some parents are super strict with the rules, in other words there will be no “grown sleep overs” and some are very lenient. I was at home for a time with my mother after I had reached adulthood and she was strict for the most part but she only had a couple of rules: My company had to be gone by a certain time and I had to go to church with her on Sunday. The one thing that grown children have to realize when they are still at home after a certain age, is that your parents house is not YOUR house! Therefore you can’t really chill there. You can’t have privacy there, and yes there are rules that have to be followed.
I have an aunt that allows no unmarried couples to sleep together in her house. She don’t care if they are engaged or been together for years. A marriage would have to occur before she will allow it. I am always surprised at how liberal other parents are when it comes to their daughters and permitting them to bring boys home to stay over and even live with their daughter’s in the house. My take is very interesting, because I have a son that has been with his girl for years. He doesn’t live here in town, so when they do come home I have no problem allowing him to sleep in the same bed with her while they are here. But what happens when MY daughter gets to be a certain age and wants to bring a boy home? Yikes. I’ll do a post on that when it happens but I am sure that there will be some double standards involved.
In today’s economy, more and more grown kids are opting to stay at home instead of getting their own place. Which means there are many issues that need to be addressed, other than just sleeping arrangements and dating. I saw something on TV the other day where the grown son (25) insisted on sleeping on the floor in his mother’s room, where she sleeps with her new husband. She allows it but you should have seen her husbands face during his interview!
Here are a few things that you will have to consider when you have 18+ aged children who are not in high school but who are still living in your home:
Will they be required to attend school/work?
Will they pay rent?
Will they be allowed to have company (this includes friends in general and girl/boyfriends)?
Will they be allowed to have friends from the opposite sex sleep over?
Will they have curfews?
Will they pay their own way to family reunions?
Regardless of your race, religion or social status issues with adult children in the home, certain questions have to be addressed. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open when addressing them. Make sure your young adults know exactly where you stand regarding your home, so there are no misunderstandings. Be firm and let them know in no uncertain terms that this is YOUR house and that it is a privilege for you to allow them to be there. Trust me it is possible to live in harmony while your young adults who decide to hang out in the nest for awhile.
BMWK Do you have rules for grown children living in your home?