I have been called the most over-protective parent in the universe. I have to be honest and confess that at times that statement is 110% accurate. Yes, I do take my job as a parent very seriously, as I recognize the enormous responsibilities that come along with raising children.
My youngest son recently became a full-fledged card carrying teenager. For his 13th birthday celebration he planned a coed birthday celebration weekend. The first half of the planned festivities included an unchaperoned movie and lunch with a select group of girl and guy friends at Atlantic Station.
Unchaperoned meant, I would not embarrass him by going into the movies or sitting in the restaurant with them, but that I could lurk in the shadows like a stalker in their general vicinity. The second half consisted of an all male sleepover (male teenage debauchery at its finest) with six of his friends.
Well, I got the usual flack about my sleepover rules from my family.
My mother and aunt say that just because I’m extra, and send my kids to a sleepover a certain way, doesn’t mean that I should expect other parents to do the same.
Well, to that, my answer is always ‘whatever, better safe than sorry.” Listed below are 4 rules that every parent should consider when sending their kids to a sleepover.
Good Behavior Is a Must
First, parents should ensure that your children pack their manners and guest etiquette when going to a sleepover. Parents it is your responsibility to teach your children when and how to use words and phrases like: please, thank you, no thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me, yes, and no.
I am always amazed when I interact with a young person that hasn’t been taught basic manners. Saying thank you and please are acts of courtesy that show both respect and gratitude. Parents these are minor words that have a major impact on how people view your children.
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Parents you also need to ensure that your children know how to behave as a guest in someone’s home. Children should be taught not to:
- Roam around their host’s home unescorted
- Go into rooms that have closed doors
- Go into cabinets and refrigerators and prepare or take food and beverages without asking
- Leave their personal belongings everywhere
- Not clean up after themselves
- Not abide by the rules that are established in the home in which they are a guest
Parents if you allow your children to use profane and vulgar language in your home, please inform them that that type of language may not be the norm for every home. Instruct them to be mindful of their language while they are away.
Take Precaution…Be Safe
Secondly parents, you want to make sure you talk with your kids about safety before you allow them to spend the night away from home. Parents create a plan of action with your kids and practice it before they stay with relatives or friends.
Talk with your kids to make them aware of how to handle any potential danger in the form of inappropriate touching, conversation, or activities from anyone in the host home (adults, older and younger siblings, or their friends).
Be very specific and tell your children exactly what those dangers look like. Tell them that they should not feel pressured to drink, smoke, or ingest anything that they are not familiar with or feel uncomfortable about.
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Remind them that their body belongs to them and they are the protectors of their bodies. Reaffirm that they absolutely get to call the shots for who gets to enter their personal space. Help them to define what their personal space is, and communicate to them that it is okay to tell others when they are invading or encroaching on that space.
Parents remember, it confuses your children when you force them to hug or kiss someone you deem appropriate and then turn around and tell them that they have control over their bodies and determining the amount of intimacy they feel comfortable with.
My plan for my children included:
- sending them with a cell phone that they can use at any time to call home,
- telling them to stay with the group and not to wander off alone in their host’s home,
- and making sure to use the bathroom before they go to bed so that they won’t have to get up in the middle of the night and wonder to the bathroom alone.
They know that If they have to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night to call me on the cell phone so that they’d be talking to a parent in an effort to discourage any attempts of wrongdoing.
In the event they find themselves alone with someone that was trying to touch or talk to them inappropriately, to look the person directly in the eye and forcefully SCREAM “NO,” run away and call home immediately.
If the perpetrator persists they know to go with plan B; which is to clutch their stomachs and begin screaming, crying, and rolling around in horrible gut wrenching pain complaining of a stomach ache, and repeatedly insisting to call home.
Their scream must be blood curdling enough to rouse the attention of everyone in the home. I knew if I ever received this call from either of my kids…it was time to show up with the police in tow to keep me from committing a crime and going to jail myself.
Parent Responsibility
Thirdly parents, make sure that you are still accessible in case of emergency. I know that some of you view a sleepover as your opportunity to get away or unplug for the weekend. A sleepover can be just the reprieve you need to rejuvenate, but you still must be responsible.
Be sure to send alternate or emergency contact numbers (just in case your phone dies, or you find yourself in an area that doesn’t have a signal) so someone can be reached if something happens to your child.
Additionally, make sure that you send a list of your child’s allergies and medications along with the instructions on how and when to administer them. Ensuring that the host parent has this information can be the difference between a fun or tragic weekend. I also never send my children to a sleepover or anywhere for that matter without money in their pockets for incidentals.
Don’t Leave with Anything You didn’t Come With
The last thing I think parents should do to prepare their children for a sleepover has caused a great deal of curious stares from others when I talk about it. Let me first share that I have been medically diagnosed with OCD. I am a true germaphobe.
So, parents, in addition to making sure your child packs the basics (sleeping bag, toothbrush, toothpaste, a fresh change of clothes and undergarments, and appropriate pajamas) be sure to pack a washcloth, towel, and soap from home.
Why pack a washcloth, towel and soap you ask? Surely the host has these items. Yes, the host more than likely has these items, but I still I pack these items for two reasons. The first reason being I feel it is a courtesy to the host to not leave them with an extra load of laundry to do from a house full of kids.
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The second reason (OCD Alert) is that washcloths, towels, and soap are all very personal items. I don’t use hotel towels or sleep on hotel sheets because all of the laundry is done together, and I don’t want to know any other guest that personally.
Too many different germs mixing in the wash for me. Heck, everyone in my home has their own laundry day. I don’t even mix dirty laundry with people I live with, know, and love. I am not privy to know how often or well a host does their laundry or if the host uses detergents that my children may be allergic to.
My next statement is going to really be politically incorrect but it’s #truth. I don’t know what medical conditions the host family may knowingly or unknowingly be dealing with (ringworm, syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts, crab, or lice).
All I’m saying is that my norm for cleanliness is not everyone else’s norm and I make no apologies for being keenly aware of that. I’d rather be safe than sorry, so my kids are like boy scouts…always prepared.
I’ve been fortunate in that the friends my boys have had over for sleepovers have been well behaved and have pretty cool parents, so I’ve not had any issues. I, in turn, try to send my kids off the right way when they are invading someone’s home for the weekend.
BMWK parents are you preparing your children to be good weekend guests?