My husband and I want to start a family in the next year or two. On the one hand, I’m excited to start this new phase and raise children who will be our lasting legacy to the world.
On the other hand, I’m a little afraid because I cannot escape the idea that a large part of society will look at my little brown babies, especially boys, with an air of suspicion.
Black Parents Walk a Fine Line
Unfortunately for black parents, there is a slight contradiction between A) teaching children to be brave, confident and unafraid to pursue their dreams and B) helping them understand that they won’t always get the benefit of the doubt. This is the fine line parents often have to walk.
I can remember my mom saying to me as a child, “Simone, you will always have to work twice as hard to be treated equal.” And that mindset stuck. So inevitably, I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist because I don’t want to give anyone a reason to count me out.
But trying to be perfect is crippling, and I don’t want to pass that on to my kids either.
An Unexpected Education
A few weeks ago, I met up with super mom Laquita Stribling to talk about athletes and activism. But I walked away with an education on how to raise a black son in America.
She and her husband, Finis Stribling III, have been married 21 years and are raising three black boys—two of which are Eagle Scouts. (Y’all, in the history of scouting, only 2 percent of Boy Scouts go on to become Eagles.) Not to mention their eldest son, was one of the Mizzou football players to boycott last year.
So to say that these parents are doing something right, is an understatement.
Be Intentional
But, I think, the key to the Striblings success is their intentionality. As a practice, they try to make everything a teachable moment. For example, when the stories of Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown broke, they sat down to talk about it as a family.
- They listened to their sons’ thoughts
- Asked questions
- And helped them process their feelings
Laquita Stribling credits her husband with how well her boys are progressing. “We tag team at parenting,” she says. Furthermore, she admits that she and her husband are not perfect parents, but they are trying to instill in their sons faith in God and duty to their family and community.
Here’s the 10 rules she gave me for raising black boys…
10 Rules for Raising Black Boys
- Be the parent
- Teach respect and etiquette
- Set high standards
- Help them with decision making
- Teach life skills
- Teach them about money, early on
- Keep them busy with productive stuff
- Be present
- Be realistic about their strengths and weaknesses
- Give them room to make mistakes
Continuing the Conversation
I’m still trying to process everything shared with me. Especially, that number 9—me don’t do weakness. I guess it all goes back to how I was raised. Although, I have amazing parents…there wasn’t much room for mistakes and certainly not weakness.
I’m grateful for this new perspective from the Striblings, however, because they are navigating the fine line and their sons are thriving. Next time, I’ll share a few of Laquita Stribling’s practical tips and a bit of research to back it all up.
BMWK: What advice do you have for raising a black son?