My four year old loves his school.He loves his teachers. He has friends he looks forward to seeing everyday. His teachers love him, but more than that, they actually give a damn about him. Some schools churn out students like a candy factory, but we’re lucky enough to have a caring staff who truly adapt their methods to the students.
At the age of four, he’s reading simple books, extremely self-sufficient, doing decimal addition, loves Ninja Turtles, and since last month, has been physically threatening his teachers and classmates.
It’s got his mother and myself totally messed up mentally.
Within a month he went from a rambunctious, but participatory, little learner to an active disturbance and verbal aggressor of physical well being. I know, it’s easy to blame us – the parents. Believe me, between my wife and me, we’ve got the blame game covered.
Too much attention at home? Not enough? Too many viewings of the Ninja Turtles reboot? He didn’t get the Christmas gift he wanted? Too much punishment for misbehaving at school? Not enough – or not the right kind of punishment?
Google wasn’t helping.
After speaking with his teachers and school administrator, they quickly suggested we don’t attempt to assign blame, and it was entirely possible this wasn’t anyone’s fault. Some kids behave differently in different environments at different times.
They did however suggest we follow through with one of the potential plans we shared with them. To make an immediate appointment with a behavior specialist. It was important to curb the behavior quickly.
I’ll admit, it’s rather daunting to admit my wife and I may not be able to satisfactorily curb our son’s behavior, but we also have to admit we don’t know anything about parenting. He’s our first – our only.
Our natural instinct and upbringing wants to physically strike the boy into submissive behavior, but our grown sense asks how truly effective is striking your offspring. The goal is to exhibit the behaviors we want him to emulate, right?
All I know is parent shame is a real thing. Whether you’re taking your child to see a specialist, not buying them the correct brands; whether they’re the school bully, or the overprotected bookworm – someone is bound to have an opinion on the way you operate as a parent.
And I’m not about to let other’s opinion of us seeing a specialist as soon as possible deter my son from getting the proper care he may need. As an adult, we have to know when to get out of our own way. We have to put our egos aside to do what’s best for those closest to us.
Like family is supposed to do, my brother suggested we beat him one good time. If he stops his behavior, mission accomplished. If he doesn’t, well then, we’ll know it didn’t work – and just never do it again. Naw, bruh. Can’t even do it. We have to be above the influence. However you choose to run your house is how you choose.
Under our roof, we’ve decided not to ignore the signs of a potential mental health issue to avoid stigmatizing the cause. I can only imagine what percentage of the black population have attempted to beat out mental issues in our families due to lack of access to adequate care.
We’ve decided to break that cycle. Maybe our son is just a bully. Maybe he has seen too many Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Maybe we should tell him we love him 5 times a day instead of 4. Maybe he needs another week of grounding without any of his toys.
Maybe it will take 39 more face to face lectures and conversations. All I know is, we’re committed to trying everything we have the resources to try. Not just his behavioral ones, but all of them.
Because that is what parents do. It’s our burden to figure it out – and get help when we can’t.
BMWK, are you willing to get help for potential mental health issues?