I always learn new tips, tricks or advice when I do these couple interviews. They are always inspirational and full of fun and laughter. So chatting it up with Chris and Erika was no different. The Wards have been married almost eight years, and have their hands full with four kids (six-year-old twins, a four-year-old and an eight-month-old). She’s a well-known interior designer in Atlanta, and he’s a former NFL player, now coaching at Morehouse College.
In addition to all of this, they each own and operate a non-profit organization. Erika founded Room Service Atlanta whose focus is to give back to the city of Atlanta, one shelter at a time. Several local designers share their talents to create comfortable and relaxing interiors for homeless families.
The Transition Awareness Program (TAP) was founded by Chris as a result of what he experienced during his freshman year of college. TAP aims to increase the chances for student athletes to fulfill their potential and accomplish their goals as well as prepare them for campus life.
This lovely couple met…well, I’ll let them tell the story…
I was at the wedding and I saw Erika from afar (I did not know her name at the time). And she was sitting with one of her friends, and didn’t seem to have a date or anybody with her. So, whenever I could get my cousin’s attention, I asked her, ‘who is THAT over there?’ I pointed in the direction and she told me who she was and I told her she had to introduce me to her. So as time went on, my cousin finally introduced her…I think she pulled Erika, didn’t she pull you…?
Erika: Yes, and told me I was not allowed to leave until I met her cousin because she was not going to live it down if I left and we did not meet
[All laugh]
Chris: So, I finally met her and I walked her to her vehicle. I could tell she was kind of skeptical. I think she reluctantly exchanged numbers because I was the cousin [of her soror]. I think that was the only reason why she gave it to me.
Erika: Well, I wasn’t interested in dating anybody at the time and just as he said, I was getting ready to leave…literally, I mean I had my purse and I was headed towards the door and getting ready to kiss his cousin goodbye and she said, ‘Oh no, no you can’t go yet’. So she literally stopped me as I was on my way to my car. but I gave him my information because like he said, he was her cousin.
He had been travelling overseas coaching football and we kept in contact via telephone for the most part and snail mail—by postcards, which was cool. I just thought we were becoming real good friends and I liked it that way. We saw each other maybe twice at the most in that six month period. Until I invited him to dinner, it was New Year’s Eve and I don’t know what made me invite him to dinner but I did.
Chris: Yes, during that time, let me clarify: we only saw each other two times, but that wasn’t my fault. I wanted to see her. She was usually busy, but I was trying my best to see her more than those two occasions.
Erika: I invited my cousin and her kids to go with us because I could tell he really liked me, but I wasn’t really interested in a relationship. I met him in July, he asked me in September if we could date exclusively, and I told him I wasn’t looking to date anybody right now. And he didn’t bug me about it, he just continued to be my friend. Sometimes it can be awkward especially when you tell a guy you’re not interested in him. They either don’t call anymore or they bring it up all the time. He did neither.
BMWK: Is that when she asked you to go out for dinner, Chris?
Chris: Yes, she asked me for dinner, she wanted to go to a restaurant, am I correct?
Erika: Yep, uh huh!
Chris: We met up at Houston’s so I thought to myself, New Year’s Eve, we’re going out to dinner, this is huge! You know what I mean? So we meet up at Houston’s, had a great dinner, great conversation. The moment when I knew that she was going to be my woman was when she ordered dessert—it was a pecan pie, right? With ice cream!
Erika: No, it was like an apple cobbler with ice cream.[laughs]
Chris: So it was apple cobbler with ice cream, and she was eating it, and she was like, ‘Oh this is so good!’ She was just telling me how great it was and she wanted me to taste it. So she got her fork that she was using and she leaned over and told me to taste it with her fork! And I tasted it and I said YES! That was it! That was the turning point: when she let me eat off of her fork.
[All laugh]
BMWK: That was huge Erika!
Erika: Apparently! [laughs]
Chris: That was it! I knew it was a done deal. No one just allows anyone to just eat off their fork. So, inside I’m thinking, ‘Oh yeah, it’s a party inside my mouth, it’s like Super Bowl. We won & everything is going great!
Christine: Is that how you felt Erika? [laughs]
Erika: Well it was we had become friends at that point, and I didn’t expect to be interested romantically. But honestly, and I tell him this too: I asked him if he did something different? He just looked different to me and that was what attracted me to him, but he said no. Granted we were under low light, but I could still see him! But, you remember that Chris?
Chris: Yep, I remember that. My prayers were being answered, ‘cause I was praying at that very moment. And God had allowed her to see me as a more attractive man. [laughs]
Erika: [laughs] that’s funny!
Chris: You can’t deny it! God won’t let her deny it. And…hey! Go ahead…
Erika: Anyway, so that was New Year’s Eve. Fast forward to King holiday: we went for a hike, and we had such a good time there. And that’s when he asked if we could be exclusive.
Chris: No, no, no, I did not.
I told him that before I got married I wanted to do pre-marital counseling. But it’s not to say that after we get finished that we are going to get married. I just wanted to see what it took to make a marriage work, and what’s going to be expected of us, etc. Chris had been married for a couple of years before.
During the time of premarital counseling, I checked everything out and made sure that he was divorced for real…[laughs] and all that good stuff. We went to counseling for about twelve weeks total. It was eight weeks in class and then 4 weeks with other couples.
BMWK: So this was before you even got engaged?
Erika: Yes, this was before we got engaged.
Chris: I knew we were getting married.
Erika: So we finished up the premarital counseling in August. Now mind you, since it had been a year that I had known him, I was starting to have and feel very….attached to him. I saw us being together and with twelve weeks in premarital counseling, we discussed anything and everything under the sun. He was very respectful, and didn’t pressure me for sex.
We really got the chance to know each other in and out. And that’s what I needed. I wanted somebody who wasn’t in it for a physical relationship because a lot of times, it does cloud your judgment. So, October, we got engaged, and December we were married just like he said [laughs].
BMWK: We have articles on the site about the importance of premarital counseling and even preventative counseling. What impact would you say the experience had on your marriage, especially having that foundation before you even got engaged?
Chris: I think that by me being married once, it really opened my eyes to some things that I didn’t even know as far as what a marriage was about. With the marriage counseling, it helped me understand and realize how a husband is supposed to be, how a wife is supposed to be. It helped me see how you’re supposed to treat one another, what the bible says about marriage, and how important it is in God’s eyes. I mean I really got intrigued about it and…I was really glad at each and every meeting, that we decided to go to marriage counseling. It really opened up some discussions with each other…
Erika: …about finances, and even getting down to generational curses, the things that happened in both of our families that we didn’t want to repeat. For example, both of our parents have been divorced. My mom was a teen mother and we didn’t want that to happen to our kids. It allowed us to compare family trees and think about what we wanted to do differently, and how we wanted to raise our future family.
BMWK: Right.
Erika: Yeah, I am so grateful for that. The same person who did our premarital counseling, was the same person who married us, and she still is our counselor even after we got married. So, I think ongoing counseling is huge! For us to have that foundation with her means a lot to both of us because she can also see how we’ve grown through the years.
I always tell people that marriage is a character building experience. It really made me a better person. I went into it thinking that I could never do any wrong. If anything was wrong, it was going to be him, but it wasn’t…that’s not the case. I saw a lot of ways where I’d been selfish in the past and not having as much faith as he does. But I’m a much different person I believe than I was seven/eight years ago. Or at least I hope I am…[laughs].
BMWK: I love it, So you guys still go to counseling even now?
Chris and Erika: Yes
BMWK: That’s great, that’s really great.
So Chris, were you playing in the NFL Europe prior to your marriage or after you got married?
Chris: When I met Erika I was in the process of transitioning into coaching. So I was still playing NFL and coaching overseas, and I was just over there about four months at a time. When we got married in December, she went over there with me the entire time in 2006. She was there with me the whole time. And she went to all the games with me in Berlin and different places.
Erika: We were living in Germany.
BMWK: And you left NFL coaching there in Europe after that year?
Chris: Yes, the league seized…it shut down. And that’s when I came back home to Atlanta. When we came back we didn’t have a job so, we know based on faith that we would find work and be fine, which we were.
BMWK: There was a recent post about the impact that change can have on a marriage. What has been the biggest change that you guys have had to overcome in your marriage?
Erika: Yeah that was a big change. That was a big transition for us. That was huge…
Chris: Because even though we prayed about it, we knew we were going to have boy and girl twins because that’s what we wanted. But, to actually have it come to pass and to actually have it take place…to actually see these two kids, right there, it was definitely overwhelming. It was joyous and overwhelming at the same time, especially in the first month that they were alive. It was…it was crazy!
Erika: I say at least the first six months were crazy but okay [laughs].
Chris: Oh yeah, yeah they were [laughs]!
BMWK : So, the twins are the oldest?
Chris: Yes. It was just us and in that transition, I think we really had to rely on each other and really lean on each other.
Erika: And Chris was working three jobs at the time, ‘cause I had been on bed rest for four months with the twins and I couldn’t do anything, I literally had to be in bed. I couldn’t rush down to the kitchen to get something to eat, or run down and answer the door. I had to be in bed the whole time for four months.
Chris: So I had to make sure she was straight. I’d come home from the second job make sure everything was in order with her.
BMWK: That alone could be something to drive a lot of couples apart. What would you say is the driving force that helped you guys work together?
Chris: that was what we prayed for…
Erika: I mean yeah that’s what we prayed for but I was committed– my parents were divorced and I didn’t want that for my kids. And I knew that Chris was there for me. I didn’t feel like he would leave us. I think because of his sports background maybe, he has a big thing about teamwork and us working together to get stuff done. As a coach, he’s a natural encourager. And we prayed a whole lot [laughs].
I was also at home with all three kids and that was another rough patch. That’s what comes in my head first more than anything else when you talk about change. I thought I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. And that showed me that I didn’t but then at the same time I experienced that guilt of ‘I’m supposed to want to be here with my babies’ so does that make me a bad mom that I don’t? I went through all of that and ended up in therapy, it was crazy! It was very, very overwhelming and I think a lot of women go through that and they’re so afraid to be transparent for fear of judgment.
It got to the point where I told Chris, I need to go see somebody and I’m not just talking, I’m really serious [laughs]. I went every week for two months. I felt like the old me had died, but I found that I just had a new normal. You just have to establish whatever that new normal is, define that. So that was the turning point for me.
BMWK: I can definitely relate to that.
You both seem to really be living out your dreams and accomplishing your goals. How do you really make it possible to still find time for each other in the midst of the kids and everything else?
Chris: I think we really have to make an effort, we have to shut down everything that we have going on. And I’m guilty of having put the kids ahead of her. I had one point in time when Erika and I were having a conversation and one of the kids said something to us. I listened to the kids, and that was wrong but she pointed it out to me. The wife is supposed to come before our children.
But we do make it a point to be affectionate towards our children, in front of our children. We think that’s important for them to see that affection between a husband and a wife.
Erika: We also make it a point to hire a sitter to come in to give us some time to get away from the house, and away from all that we’re dealing with at work or everyday life, and just be with each other.
Erika: [laughs] Chris smiles when he knows that he’s appreciated, loved and cared for, or when something is done just for him. To know that his kids are well and they’re doing good…kids are everything to him and that makes him smile. Is that a good answer Chris?
Chris: We’ll leave it at that [laughs].
BMWK: That’s all that we’ll put in the interview right?
[All laugh]
BMWK: So Chris, what makes Erika’s heart melt?
Chris: Definitely when she feels appreciated, when she’s recognized , complimented of course or just let her know that I’m thinking about her and that I love her…that makes her smile. Taking care of all of her needs and just understanding that I have her back.
BMWK: I love it! That just made me smile!
Erika: Yeah the support makes me smile and to see your interaction with the kids makes me smile…that makes me happiest of all because I didn’t have that growing up. The first thing that came to mind was his ability to be a great father because I feel like I did make a good choice [laughs].
BMWK: You did make an excellent choice Erika [laughs]! What do you guys want for your children to know when you look back thirty years from now?
Erika: I want them to see that no matter what, family comes first. Number two is that they can have control of their destiny in a sense where if you want to start a business then you can. You just have to figure out how to be innovative. I want them to be able to think and to be able to make a life for themselves, and not have to be reliant upon somebody else.
Chris: I agree with all of that. I would want to leave all that Erika said as well as a successful loving marriage. Sticking together through hard times, not blaming but just coming up with a plan on how we’re going to get through it. I think that it’s important that Erika and I stuck together because she held down the fort [after I lost my job at Georgia State]. We want them to see us putting God first in all that we do because we pray in front of them, we pray for them, we allow them to lead the prayer, and they love it.
BMWK: Wow that is really inspiring.
Do you guys have any upcoming projects or advice that you want to share?
Erika: For me, I would hope that other women who have become mothers and feel overwhelmed with their newfound responsibilities of being a mom, of being a wife to know that they’re not alone. And that the feeling that they have is not foreign, but they won’t ever know unless they’re being transparent with someone else. I know it’s more common for white women to go to therapy before we will go, because of the stigma attached to that, but it’s the best thing that I’ve ever done. It’s helped me to cope during stressful times and not feel like you’re about to lose your mind.
Chris: Yes, I started another organization that is launching probably the end of the year called God’s Men United. There are a lot of men that don’t go to church because of the traditional way that church is, so we get away from that. It’s just another form of ministry showing men how to live the way God intended us to live. It’s almost like a brotherhood.
A big thank you and shout out to Chris and Erika for taking time to share their story with us. You can connect with Erika on Twitter and Facebook, and Chris can be found through the Transition Awareness Program.
BMWK: Be sure to leave some words of encouragement for this Power Couple in the comments section.