When you look up the word “support” in the thesaurus, do you know what other words come up?
- Back
- Cornerstone
- Flotation
- Footing
- Foundation
- Groundwork
- Guide
- Hold
- Means
- Reinforcement
- Rest
- Rib
- Stay
And that’s not all of them! Those are just a few of the words that could be applied to your marriage today, and for the rest of your lives.
When people think about spousal support, they usually assume it’s alimony, or a legal obligation to provide financial support to your former spouse following a divorce. It has negative, and at times bitter connotations to it. I mean, who wants to continue financing the lifestyle of their ex-husband or ex-wife after you two are separated? But spousal support should bring about a different feeling, a different meaning.
You should provide spousal support while you’re still married, and it should not just be a legal obligation or strictly involve finances and assets. Spousal support should come in many different ways. Let’s look back at some of the other words for support: Your spouse should have your back when things get rough. A wife is also known as a husband’s rib. When you’re lost, your significant other should be your guide. You should work on the foundation and groundwork of your marriage in order to have a long lasting and successful one. When your husband or wife feels like he or she is drowning, you should act as their flotation. And by all means, you should stay, for better or for worse.
Every couple handles their finances differently. Some choose to keep them separate, while others decide to combine them, and many are doing a blend of the two. Financial support simply isn’t what we mean. Are you giving your spouse emotional support? Do you validate them? Oprah said on her finale, “Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?” Your spouse subconsciously thinks these things; can you honestly respond “yes” to those questions? What about physical support? Are you there when they’re sick or feeling under the weather? Do you help out or make the recovery process even harder?
While some people want their spouse to be “on their side” regardless if they’re right or wrong, do you have your spouse’s best interest and well being at heart? Are you encouraging him or her to follow their dreams? Are you there to uplift them and sympathize with them? Ladies, forget about submission for a second. Gentlemen, leave your pride to the side for a minute. Are you a narcissist in your relationship, and is everything about you?
A marriage is a partnership. It could be seen as a business agreement, a building, a living thing. It requires compromises, constant maintenance, and nurturing. Providing spousal support in your marriage can keep you from paying alimony after a failed marriage. Every single person needs support of some kind, and when you don’t get it from your other half, it can be devastating. If you don’t know where to start, ask your husband, ask your wife. “What kind of support do you need from me?” If your spouse asks you this question, give them feedback. This helps both of you in the long run.