Okay, so I’m only seven months into this whole fatherhood thing and everyday brings new growth and challenges. The older my daughter gets, the more I reflect on the number of single parents out there raising kids on their own. My heart goes out to them. I couldn’t imagine doing this on my own, and it makes me so thankful for my wife and the support system we have around us.
While I know people survive and adapt when their situations aren’t ideal, I know there are times when having two involved parents in the same household is truly a blessing. It’s the entire reason I am such an advocate for healthy relationships and marriages. Though my point is bigger, here are some very small things that make the partnership worth it when it comes to raising children.
1. Middle of the night crying
Mannn….listen. When my daughter wakes up in the middle of the night with that come change me, feed me or hold me cry, there is nothing like having someone to share those shifts with you. Y’all know it’s funny though; how you both try to stay there, playing sleep hoping the other parent makes the first move! HA…I know I’m not the only one. Work calls in the morning for both parents most times, so having someone share that interrupted sleep load with helps so much.
2. Those blow-out diaper changes
You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones you smell (and sometimes see) before you even get close to the baby. You know what’s sitting in that diaper is serious, but you act like you don’t smell it and take the baby straight to the other parent and then run. As much as you love your baby, there is nothing like being able to pass that dirty diaper change on to your mate from time to time.
3. When you need some Me time
Sometimes with children of any age every moment, thought and day becomes consumed with being a parent. And sometimes you just need a break. Sometimes you don’t want to have to find a babysitter or call in a favor in order to get that much-needed break. Sometimes it’s such a relief to be able to say, “I’m going out for a few hours, and I’ll be back,” and to be able to trust your mate will handle everything with the kids.
4. Supporting the children’s activities
If you have multiple kids, there is no way that one parent can be at EVERY event. Not to mention, the pressure to do so for single parents can be maddening. Having two parents allows for some split responsibilities. Children love the support of their parents, and with two involved parents, it allows for more flexibility.
5. Making parenting decisions
There are so many decisions that have to be made when it comes to kids; everything from daycare and schools to discipline and countless other parenting choices. Having someone under the same roof to talk through those things and strategize with is comforting. All of the pressure isn’t on you alone, and you succeed and fail as a team. Plus the input of two different experiences/perspectives can be an added bonus when weighing heavy decisions.
6. Going through parenting crises together
Whether it’s the first time your child falls off the bed or the first heartbreak, there is nothing like having two comforting parents. And there is nothing like you having a spouse to go through these seasons with you.
7. Celebrating the great times
Simply put, there is nothing like celebrating the simple milestones together as one unit and one family. Whether it’s the start of crawling, the first tooth, birthdays, graduations or even weddings, it feels so good to be able to witness it together.
I know the narrative in 2016 can tend to be that we can do it all on our own or that marriage isn’t relevant because you can “co-parent.” But after having my child, I feel more passionately now than I ever have that healthy marriages are needed. It’s why I do what I do, and it’s why I even wrote my new book because I hope we can all start to see the value again. Whether little or big things, we need each other, and so do our kids.
BMWK, how have you and your children benefited from your two-parent household?