I am sure many of you have been involved in those conversations, where it’s just you and either a group of your guys or your girls, engaged in real talk on relationships. Those topics always bring about plenty of debate, advice and tips on how to maintain your partnership and keep your mate interested. A few of those pieces of counsel usually focus on maintaining one’s appearance and keeping the bedroom hot and exciting. There is always one in the group who quickly reminds all the other women that if we don’t step it up there will be another woman waiting in the wings to do those things we don’t. This comment never sits well with me because it almost sounds as though we are competing for our own spouse’s attention.
Now I am open to new ideas and looking good for my husband, but not for the reasoning above. I put forth this effort in my marriage because it benefits both of us. I cannot exist in my marriage with a fear some other woman will come along and capture my husband’s attention. If that ever becomes my reality then I have a serious problem in my relationship.
We should never feel like a contestant in our marriage. Of course we should continue to carry out our commitments with a joy and willingness. Especially those things we did that originally attracted our partner to us. All relationships do eventually evolve and experience growth. Couples must be willing to grow with the relationship. However, if another person comes along and entices our spouse, we must question the initial strength of that union.
I often wonder how a marriage arrives at a place where we worry about losing the person we’ve trusted, given so much to and provided for. It just blows my mind to think that a marriage could possibly be that vulnerable that it leaves the other spouse worried about losing their mate.
I am not going to compete with another woman, but there are certain things I will continue to bring into my marriage. I not only want to please my husband, I want to be happy too.
I will maintain a home filled with love and peace. I have been able to create this environment because I am serious about the absence of drama in my life and in my marriage. Neither of us sweats the small stuff and we both have been really great about communicating and promptly apologizing whenever we’ve unintentionally hurt one another.
I am also willing to sacrifice, the same way my husband does for me. We are both open to taking part in the other’s interest and giving more than we receive. We believe heavily in supporting one another. Even when it’s something we don’t really want to do. We are committed and have adopted the concept that it isn’t all about us.
My plan is to put my all into my marriage and family; again, not because I am worried about another woman, but because it is what my family and I deserve.
BMWK, what are your thoughts on the idea of competing for your spouse’s attention?