It’s been 3 intense weeks together with this man you’re dating and you can see yourself marrying him. You’ve spent every waking moment talking, texting and going on romantic dates. Everything just feels right. But when you come up for air, your logical mind kicks in and you question your feelings. Are you moving too fast?
You may have heard stories of couples who met on Friday and got married on Sunday and they’re still together 20 years later. My own love story happened quickly: 11 months after I met my husband, we got married. But there are times when a relationship moves too fast because you’re getting caught up in the feelings of falling in love and you’re not taking the time to build a solid foundation to make it last.
Check out these 5 signs that you need to pump the breaks and slow your new relationship down a bit.
Sign #1: He tells you “I’ve never felt this way before.”
I dated a guy who declared his love for me and claimed that I was his wife within the first week of us dating. He told me “I’ve never felt this way before!” and at first, I thought he was just opening his heart and being vulnerable with me. After enduring an emotional roller coaster with this man filled with cheating, lying, and heartbreak, it became apparent that he was emotionally unstable and not ready for the realities of a relationship. To this man, “I’ve never felt this way” was a sign that he was addicted to the good times in a relationship, but unable to deal with the inevitable challenges that come with love.
If you’re the one falling head over heels for him, I want you to pay attention to the emotional triggers that allow you to fall hard and fast for a man. Some common ones include loneliness and chronic stress. When you’re always working and feeling burnt-out and bored with your life, the thrill of falling in love can make you feel alive again! Pay attention to these triggers so that you’re not caught up because you’re dissatisfied with your life.
Sign #2: You kiss more than you talk
Kissing is an amazing way to fall in love. But you need strong communication skills to make your love last. If your budding romance is mainly focused on getting physical, you need to pump the breaks and spend more time talking to each other.
Sign #3: You haven’t spent time with him doing everyday things
You need to know your man in good and bad times. If you’re only spending time together going on dates, it’s easy to only know his charming side. But what is he like when he’s angry? Tired? Sad? Busy? You need to hang out with him while doing ordinary things like going to the grocery store or getting stuck in traffic. The goal is to do life with a partner, so you need to see more of his lifestyle before you settle in with him.
Sign #4: You feel pressured to go with the flow
If you’re feeling pressured to tell him “I love you” just because he said it, then that’s a big sign you’re moving too fast. Whether the pressure is coming from him or within your own heart, an obligation is never a good reason to start a relationship. You also need to make sure your patterns of people pleasing aren’t causing you to deny any negative feelings you’re having about the relationship because you’re afraid of losing him. You have the right to set the pace of a relationship and tell your man you want to slow things down.
Sign #5: You’re explaining away red flags and negotiating on your deal breakers
If you’ve done the work of distinguishing deal breakers from regular dislikes, then you need to stop second-guessing yourself about the red flags you see. Character flaws like manipulation, anger, distrust, control, blame, emotional unavailability, and irresponsibility. When you’re in your right mind, you would never enter into a relationship with someone with these problems. But your desire for a relationship can blind you to serious issues that always lead to breakdowns and breakups. If you notice you’re creating excuses for bad behavior, you’re moving too fast!
Recognize any of these signs in your new relationship? Then it’s time to pump the breaks! Set the pace of the relationship by telling your partner you’re just not ready to talk about marriage yet because you want to make sure your future relationship can stand the test of time and that takes time to build. You can also slow things down by taking a little time away from him. Instead of seeing each other every day next week, set a date for the weekend. If he gets angry because you’re setting boundaries around your time, that may be a sign there are some deeper issues you need to pay attention to before you get to involved.
Don’t lose yourself just because you’ve found someone. If it’s meant to be, slowing the pace of the relationship doesn’t mean you have to end it. Take all the time you need to make a wise decision about who will be your life partner.
BMWK, how do you slow down your feelings for someone when things are moving too fast? Share your thoughts below!