Do you know how to be so magnetic with men that they melt in your presence and relentlessly pursue you without you ever looking desperate or thirsty? If the answer is no, then it’s time for you to upgrade your flirting game.
Flirting is all about showing the person you’re interested in that you are…well…interested! Batting your eyes, smiling, witty conversation, touching, and more are all tools to use when you’re flirting. As a dating coach, one of the top skills I work on with my clients is showing them how to not be so serious all the time and playfully engage with the man they want, whether it’s on a dating app like Real Black Love, or offline in a grocery store. I tell them to identify a Flirting Icon, a person they admire (but don’t necessarily know) who models for them the flirting style they’d like to adopt.
Take, for example, Lupita Nyong’o, one of the stars from the box office smash hit, Black Panther. Lupita is breaking the Internet right now because her flirt game is so strong that everyone from TMZ to Buzzfeed to Black Twitter is wondering if she and co-star Michael B Jordan are dating. A quick peruse of Lupita’s Instagram shows her hugged up with Michael backstage at The View and teasing him at the Tom Ford fashion show during New York’s Fashion Week. The sparks seem to jump off our smartphones!
So how does she flirt so effortlessly? And what pointers can you glean from her that you can use in your own love life? (You’re gonna want to take notes):
1. Be Willing To Play (Even Though You’re Serious About Relationships)
All of this flirtatious energy is happening in the context of a bet Lupita made with Michael on the set of Black Panther. He lost and now has to do push-ups whenever she commands him to do so (that’s how the sisters do it in Wakanda!). Her ongoing collection of the bet whenever she runs into Michael during publicity for the movie, creates excuses (AHEM reasons) to continue to see him privately. And she takes the playful banter online too. Have you seen her IG stories, and that “chocolate cakes” Tweet he sent her? Scandalous, girl!
2. Smile and Serve Him Eye Contact
Lupita has a million dollar smile and she uses it as a weapon! She’s also not afraid to use her eyes to draw Michael’s attention. He has no choice but to treat her like she’s the only girl in the world.
3. Touch Him
Lupita finds reasons to touch Michael as she talks to him, and she focuses on places that would be off-limits to another man. We see her lightly resting her hand on one of his thighs during an interview with the cast of Black Panther. Her hands gently caress his face, and she grabs his forearms while she laughs when she sneaks up on him backstage at The View. Through this non-verbal communication, she’s sending a clear message: I’m not one of the boys!
— Lupita Nyong’o (@Lupita_Nyongo) February 19, 2018
4. No Strings Attached
Lupita doesn’t seem attached to any outcome, and that’s why everyone is trying to figure out if they’re really an item or not. She’s not trying to make anything happen, so she comes across as natural, confident and irresistible! This final tip is uber important. If you’re going to flirt successfully, you can’t come across as trying too hard. You’ve got to be fine with yourself if the flirting doesn’t result in a relationship (or even a date). It’s all for fun!
5. Release Your Inhibitions
I’m going to tell you exactly what I tell my clients: The only thing stopping YOU from snagging your own version of a Michael B. Jordan is your secret inhibitions. You’re too worried about getting rejected or looking desperate or sexual. You don’t want to violate the rules your family taught you about being a “good girl,” or you feel awkward and freeze if a good looking man looks your way.
When you let your inhibitions control you, you end up sending the wrong “I-don’t-want-to-be-bothered” vibe to men. You’ll shut them down instead of drawing them in. Take these tips from Lupita Nyong’o and let your inner flirt free!
BMWK, how’s your flirt game? And, do you think Lupita Nyong’o and Michael B. Jordan should just date? Post your thoughts below!