I am a relationship life coach, and I am in an exclusive committed relationship with a pastor. We both were called to serve God’s children but in different ways. He was called to use God’s Word to lead souls back to God one heart at a time. I was called to use God’s Words to save the family structure one relationship at a time.
People often ask me how our relationship works. He’s a Pastor, therefore in their minds, he’s a Holier Than Thou Holy Roller. As a relationship life coach, I deal with all things love, sex and relationship related, which means I actually have conversations with couples about financial problems, trust issues and the private stuff that goes on in their bedroom that negatively impacts their relationships.
I guess I understand people’s confusion about our relationship dynamics. After all, love, sex and relationship topics are typically taboo in the church and are not the subjects of most sermons (unless, of course, the Pastor is preaching a sermon on the power of proper positioning with the story of Ruth and Boaz). People are often confused at the conflict they think our professional lives as the Relationship Rescuer and the Reverend present, so the thought of our personal romantic lives sends them into an emotional and spiritual tizzy.
Well let me break it down for you. God created my mate as a man first. He understood he was a man before he realized and accepted his calling to become a minister. God created me a woman first. I too realized that I was a woman long before I recognized, understood and stepped into my purpose of being a relationship life coach. We both were created with human needs, desires, wants, flaws and emotions like everyone else. We both have had life experiences that have made us happy, angry, hurt, proud, ashamed, selfish and selfless. We both have been vulnerable when opening ourselves up to give and receive love. We have both won and lost at the game of life and love. My point is, that our professions don’t dictate the success or failure of our relationship, no more than a couple’s differences in their political party affiliation (democrat and republican), or religious practice (Christianity and Buddhism) does. Our careers don’t supersede who we are as people, nor do they overshadow our needs as men and women in our relationship.
My mate’s calling is his purpose, not mine. I’ve never had intentions of changing who I am to honor and live up to the “First Lady” title, which would be bestowed upon me as a byproduct of my relationship with him. Nor do I expect him to change and become a picture perfect Stepford mate because I’m a relationship life coach.
The essence of who we are was there prior to us meeting and before we accepted God’s calling on our lives. I’m intelligent, industrious, confident, wise, kind, loving, respectful, a generous mate, nurturing mother, loyal friend, deeply spiritual, well-spoken and resourceful with my time and money. All of these things are intrinsically who I am. Exuding these characteristics allows me to live my best and most authentic life. These attributes are the things that make me a great “First Lady.” My priority is to live as God intended for me to live, do what I’m purposed to do, be happy and be the best me that I can be, not fit into the mold of what an ideal “First Lady” looks like, acts like, talks like and feels like to others. Being who you are should be enough to represent your mate well in any capacity.
BMWK family, is your first priority honoring yourself by living authentically and being your best you? Or do you feel compelled to act like the perfect doctor’s wife, politician’s husband or soccer mom for appearance sake?