Sometimes as men we are willing to compete to score points in everything but our relationships. Well I think it’s about time we start scoring again! It’s one thing to be in relationships by way of title, but sometimes your woman is miserable in the relationship and she is just too scared to tell you because she knows how sensitive you are. With that said let’s, talk about how you can WIN in your relationship by way of the POINT SYSTEM! Come follow me!
Points are psychological, emotional, and physical investments that you make into your relationship. Over time these investments will mature and it will later give you more options. These options will allow you to eventually live the lifestyle every man dreams of; the one where his Queen is happy but he still has the freedom to be his own man and do man things with his boys.
1) NO points for obligations/responsibilities:
OK, how many times have you heard your parents say something like “ I always made sure you had food on your table and clothes on your back.” The first thing I think when I hear that is…thank you, but that’s what you were SUPPOSED to do.
I say that to say this…men tend to want credit and points for doing what they are SUPPOSED to do! You taking out the trash is what you are SUPPOSED to do. You making sure the yard is kept up, making sure your woman is safe and protected, that you are home at a decent time, that you are faithful…those are all things you are SUPPOSED to do. Thus. you get NO points for doing them.
If you want points do something like…cook, wash her clothes, make sure the kids get a bath and get to bed at a decent time, change some diapers, and wash some dishes. Yes sir now you’re racking up points…oh and did I mention, do them all without her asking you to do them AND without throwing back in her face that you did them. Boy, boy, boy…I bet your woman is getting turned on right now as she reads this!
2) In the space or in the space:
The question you have to ask yourself is are you in the space, or are you IN the space? You see, just because you are at the house in presence doesn’t mean that she is getting the pleasure of enjoying your company. Between your TV, video games, Twitter, Facebook, texting, and work, you forgot about this thing called “quality time.”
example: If you are sitting on the couch on your computer and your woman comes over and lies up under you, that’s your woman’s sign that she wants some of your attention. At that point you have a few choices.
a) Shut the computer and show her some attention
b) Pull something up on the computer that both of y’all can both be engaged in. This ensures connectivity and also ensures that you are now IN the space.
The result will be…you guessed it…POINTS!!
What I’m saying is that it’s not good enough to just be in the space physically; you have to be IN the space mentally and emotionally also.
3) Get out of your comfort zone:
OK, this one has been hard for me to do. But, for the sake of my wife and my relationship, I have learned how important it is. As men, we tend to get in a comfort zone and stay there, thus we never want to try anything different. That’s why you’re still taking her to the same restaurants, still won’t travel to anywhere different, still won’t go with her to places she wants to go to, and still having sex the same way you always do. This feeds into a woman’s natural fear of getting old and bored. I am not saying you have to like everything, but I am saying you have to be willing to just TRY something different sometimes.
Testimonial: I am a very structured person. Me and spontaneity don’t usually go well together. And, it was starting to affect my relationship. Between my mirage of questions about, who, what, when, where, and how I would always take the fun out of anything my wife wanted to do. This was who I was until I had an epiphany one day. One day my wife out of the blue just said…”let’s go to Atlanta tomorrow.” My instinct was to ask a million questions, but instead this time I just took a deep breath and said “OK.” My wife nearly had a seizure because she couldn’t believe I just said “OK.” Her next words were, I don’t really want to go, but I’m happy just because you were willing to do it.”
You see that’s what we call INSTANT POINTS!! Sometimes no matter how hard it is to resist the temptation to ask a million questions or to say “no” if you just go with it sometimes and just TRY you will immediately accumulate points!
Your woman will know immediately if you like or hate something, but the fact that you tried will rack up points! I mean seriously, you want her to go to the game or watch the game with you, but you won’t go have sushi or go to that museum with her. Get out of your comfort zone and get into some points!
4) Forget date night
“Patterns” can be the root of all evil within the point system. If you take your lady out every Monday, over time – it just becomes “Monday” opposed to “date-night”. Spontaneity can cure this! Instead of drilling “date-night” down to one specific day, drill it down to specific weeks – make your lady stay on edge all week (psychologically – *notice the reoccurring theme) and strategically (when you know she will be available) call her the day of and tell her to be ready!
How do I ensure she’s available? MAKE HER AVAILABLE! If y’all have kids, quietly get the sitter…If there are errands to be ran – RUN ‘EM! Take her out, make her feel sexy without the pattern, and ultimately earn you a load of POINTS while increasing the magnitude & frequency of how sexy your lady feels about herself; which exposes you (as the man) to more “SEXINESS”. The point is fellas, if you do the same thing at the same time it gets you NO POINTS! If you mix it up, it gets you POINTS for WHAT you do, along with WHEN & HOW you do it at the same time!
The reality is this…I know a lot of people are reading this blog probably thinking “if it takes all of this I’m better off being single!” Just know that if you find somebody worth the effort then just look at this like a construction project and we are all a work in progress. The concepts seem easy, but applying them is the hard part. I’m married and I’m still struggling to gain POINTS! Do yourself a favor and just try to execute these items and see where it gets you. Over the next few weeks I will be launching more ideas that will help you gain points! Just stay tuned!
BMWK – Get involved in the conversation: What types of things do you do in your relationship to gain points?