STOP fighting and START listening!!
Okay, okay, okay. Before I move forward, let me back up a minute and confess that the type of man I am talking about is the type of man I used to be and, sometimes, still am. Sometimes in my relationship, I was so defensive that, instead of seeing when my wife was trying to help me, I would always take things as if she was trying to hurt or attack me.
Many times as men, we don’t realize that we are fighting the wrong enemy in our households. We keep our defenses up at all times always thinking our wives are trying to question our manhood instead of realizing they are our advocates and not our enemies.
Now sometimes, how that advocacy comes across might not be very convincing. But that’s an entirely different blog that maybe I’ll address later.
Too often as men, we are sold this idea that in order to “lead” we have to have it all together and always have the answer and if our woman ever questions us, then somehow she doubts us.
Related: 4 Decisions Happy Couples Make Every Single Day – No Exceptions!
Honestly, when you step back and think about it, it’s very foolish. You and your wife both bring different strengths and weaknesses to the relationship. In fact, I’m willing to bet that one reason we marry the women we marry is because they do a good job of complementing us and being strong in areas where we may be weak.
What I realized is that in order to have true partnership as men, we sometimes have to remove our egos from the situation so that we can stop fighting. So many times our wives have great guidance for us on certain topics or issues but when she presents them our EGO says “oh you didn’t think I could figure that out” instead of “ that’s a great idea babe.” Here are a few things we have to check our egos on:
1.SEX
Look fellas I understand that for many of us we hang our hats on being able to “satisfy” our women sexually. We take pride in it and the minute it’s bought into question at all we start to feel some type of way.
Well the truth of the matter is that no one knows her body sexually better than her and only she knows when she is shifting and changing. This might just mean when she’s trying to give you some insight on how to satisfy her she might not be trying to “teach” you or make a blow to your ego she might just be trying to make the experience better for both of you.
2.FINANCES and CAREER advice
Let’s face it, many women are the BOMB at navigating finances and careers. They are accomplished and brilliant so sometimes when she is offering up her ideas about how to manage finances and offering you some guidance in your career it would behoove you to listen.
If you’ve lost your job and she is giving you advice about how to get back on your feet she might not be patronizing you, but rather helping you get back to the top quicker.
If she decides to carry more of a load she isn’t questioning your ability as a man she is just helping the household function until you find your way. Once you remove your ego from the situation you accept it for what it is and not what your ego framed it to be.
3.YOUR KIDS
Okay fellas I know that this can be a sore spot because “that’s your kid too” but understand that sometimes your wife has some insight on the children that maybe you don’t.
Sometimes if she is trying to show you an easier way of doing something or maybe even a more effective way she isn’t trying to call you a bad father, but just trying to make things a little easier on YOU. She isn’t questioning your skills or ability she might just be enhancing them. Once you remove your ego you may see this a little more clearly.
Related: 7 Life Changing Questions Every Father Must Ask His Son
I know this process isn’t always easy but see men the risk of us not being able to listen is that she stops talking. When she stops talking because she is afraid of your reaction then your relationship or marriage is in real trouble.
At the foundation of any marriage is the ability and willingness to communicate and if either party feels like they can’t do that openly and honestly then you are headed for trouble. So I end this blog the same way I started it by asking you to….STOP fighting and START listening!
BMWK, What other areas can you stop fighting and start listening?