I eat, sleep and breath love, romance and marriage. You can usually find me caught in a deep discussion about it or researching and finding ways to learn even more about what makes marriage work. It’s what I do. So I found myself really intrigued this week as I stumbled upon rapper T.I’s quotes on why marriage isn’t for him on PageSix.com
Here’s what he was quoted saying,
“I’m on a mission … I’m striving to take my family, its name and our legacy as far and high as it can possibly go. In my life there will be two different things. There will be people, places and things that help me get there and there will be people, places and things that will distract me and deter me from getting there … It just seems to me marriage and what marriage means and what marriage does — it’s one of them things that’s going to distract me and deter me. That could be selfish. – I have, I think, a purpose, and I don’t always have time to do the thoughtful considerate things that a husband should do.” – PageSix.com
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Is it a cop out?
I had a variety of thoughts after I read it, the first being can marriage really distract you from your mission?
Shouldn’t you really be able to have both?
As I read his statement I have to be honest in saying I was judging. I initially thought it was a cop out and wondered how can you speak on family and leaving a legacy if you aren’t fighting for your family structure to remain in tact.
But I had to digress because we all know marriage is much more complicated than that and this was an honest response to his reality.
Marriage is the merging of two lives and just because that merge happens it doesn’t stop that relationship from having two separate individuals within it. Your dreams, passion and mission didn’t stop after you said “I do.” It’s the reason you feel you were put on this earth, and that’s huge.
What I am learning is that marriage shouldn’t prevent your individual pursuit of your purpose and mission, but it should definitely support it.
If you are seeking your purpose and feel that marriage is getting in your way, before you take T.I’s stance, here is one suggestion to consider.
Communication is absolutely everything. If you feel like your marriage is a distraction from your mission, share that with your spouse.
Be honest and talk about what you actually need to feel the most supported. Share the what, where and why of your mission.
You want to be sure your spouse is clear on your desire and why it matters so much. Sometimes it’s needing your spouse to take on a few of your responsibilities while you take night classes. Other times it’s just needing your spouse to believe in your dream to become an entrepreneur. Or it could be that pursuing your passion will interfere with the amount of time you spend with your spouse for a little while and you need their understanding. Whatever it is…be sincere, say it out loud and listen carefully to your spouse’s response.
Another thing to keep in mind is that your spouse’s reaction is not always what you think. You may have a partner who just wants you to consider everything before you take a big leap into running your own business. It’s not because they don’t believe in you, they may want to protect you. It’s important we know the difference.
Unless you are on a selfish mission, marriage shouldn’t be a distraction.
Unless you are on a selfish mission, marriage shouldn’t be a distraction. Once your partner understands how your personal mission will benefit you and your family it should make it a little easier for them to get on board and support you. Marriage is a blessing, but your purpose is also a gift. Couples should definitely be able to balance the two, especially when they communicate effectively.
BMWK, do you think marriage is a distraction from your mission?
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