Walking, talking, eating, tying shoes and brushing teeth are just a few of the things parents are responsible for teaching children. In addition to those basic necessities, children also need to be taught life skills. Things like how to pay attention to their surroundings or how to protect themselves from stranger danger are necessary lessons to ensure their overall safety. Now when it comes to matters of the heart, things get a little bit tricky.
Love and relationships are strange animals that can’t really be taught. Conversations can be had on how to avoid falling for the bad boy or bad girl. Discussing the signs of unhealthy relationships can also be shared. But how to be, act or love in a relationships isn’t all that simple. Parents already know what we desire to have our children learn about relationships and marriage; but telling them is one thing. There are certain ideals that have to be displayed consistently to truly understand. Children might hear what we say and apply it to their future unions, but they will definitely repeat what they learned by observing the relationships that are placed in front of them. A couple who fights constantly in front of their children will more than likely produce children who think this behavior is normal in a marriage. A couple, who is loving and gentle with one another, will more than likely produce children who seek loving and gentle partners.
It’s easy to lose sight of this fact when we are caught up in a moment of anger, rage, frustration and constant disagreement with our spouses. Typically at this point, we just want to get our spouse told, prove how right we are and even shut our partner down. We are quite aware how unhealthy a scream match is not just for our union, but for the family as a whole. But we fail to recognize the lasting impact this has on the little people we are responsible for raising up.
If not for ourselves, we must make sure the lessons our children leave our house with are ones we can be proud of. So, teaching them how to have a healthy disagreement, by having one in front of them is needed. Sharing frequent warm hugs or loving affection with a spouse in front of them also greatly contributes to the future spouses they will become. Talking to a spouse with love in the tone, speech and words goes a longer way than you can ever imagine.
In addition to teaching the basics, we have to responsible with our love actions. We are the people our children will get their first sample of a relationship from; we can’t take this task lightly. We have everything we need to provide them with the proper guidance and direction. Let’s teach our children, how to be great “future” spouses, by being great spouses ourselves, starting today.
BMWK, what type of “future” spouse is your marriage teaching your children to be?
Kisha says
I am a single mother of one beautiful daughter. I have never been married but have the desire to be someday. How do you teach your child to be a great wife, if you are not one yourself. She has grandparents whom she can get advice about marriage and uncles and cousins, but how am I as a parent able to teach this, if I am not a wife myself. There are certain things I can say to her about boys and she sees her mother carry herself respectably around men, and so part of being a parent is to show my self approven to be a potential wife. Does anyone have anything they can add to this??
Kay says
Kisha, IMO I feel like even if you’re not married, there should be qualities that you should want your daughter and yourself to have in a man. I was a teen parent and I can say that I didn’t desire to be one forever nor did I have standards to go by in a man. I just wanted a father for my child since her dad was not active like he should have been. When I did meet my husband, I did screen him to make sure he was “father figure” material and that he was the kind of man that I could see myself being with forever. I also learned that your relationship with God is the most important one and once you begin to depend on him, you will see the difference. Plus, never pray for just a man in your life because God does have a sense of humor {I believe} and you get what you pray for. Get a list and write down the things {realistically} that you would like in a husband,{potential father for your daughter}and pray for those things. God will put that man in your life and it may happen when you least expect it. Good Luck
Lamar Tyler says
Hi Kisha and thanks for commenting on the site. I think you can still put your child in environments where they see successful married couples and how they react to each other, how they communicate etc… even if you’re not married yourself. At the same time as she continues to grow up you can have age appropriate conversations about marriage and what being a great wife should look like.
Tiya says
I definitely agree with what has been said. A single person is aware of the values needed to make a great marriage and can absolutely teach those to their children.