Trust is the currency of every relationship, and just like money, it’s value could either depreciate or appreciate over time, depending on the events and/or investments made. Trust mimics this same attribute and, in this case, the investments are directly related to the actions and/or in-actions of both spouses in the relationship, which could enhance and nurture its value or shatter it likewise.
Food for thought…which category does your marital trust fall into; depreciating or appreciating?
Trust isn’t exactly just one thing. It’s not just a static force. Its features are constantly evolving and are likely to manifest in several ways.
Trust is imperative to the success of any type of relationship, be it; professional, business or personal, trust must exist for there to be any chance of sustainability and success.
The pillars of trust have many layers, but I’m focusing on four core pillars that must be present and preserved in a relationship in order to achieve the goal of “happily ever after”.
THE 4 PILLARS INCLUDE:
- Honesty
- Faithfulness
- Safety/Security
- Communication/Understanding
HONESTY
Honesty is the foundation of every relationship. Without honesty, then it is only a matter of time before the very structure of the relationship crumbles, no matter how much time, effort and resources have been invested.
The biblical quote; “if the foundation be faulty, what can the righteous do?” further supports the fact that honesty is the very core. Honesty doesn’t mean divulging every little insignificant detail of your past or present life. Honesty entails the desire to tell the truth without deceit or distortion.
You should always be willing to tell it the way it is and nothing more. Have you ever been in a situation where a so called “truth” wasn’t really the truth or a secret was held back voluntarily? We have all been in such situations and it is never a pleasant experience. However, the after effect of dishonesty could, and most likely will, take years to be corrected.
If there is any information your spouse should know, do not withhold it, because dishonesty breeds distrust which ultimately leads to resentment.
FAITHFULNESS
The second pillar of trust is faithfulness or fidelity. This does not apply solely to sexual faithfulness, although fidelity between couples is very important.
- Faithfulness could also encompass commitment to your partner’s dreams, passions, and needs.
- Faithfulness means staying diligent to the course of the marriage/relationship.
- Faithfulness entails being faithful to your vows, your bodies, and promises made to each other respectively and so much more.
- Faithfulness means that you are committed to being there all the way, when your partner is in need.
These so called “little” gestures add up and can foster trust over time in a relationship. The lack of faithfulness spells doom eventually. Remember you reap what you sow. So be mindful to sow fruitful seeds.
SECURITY
Have you ever had someone ask you “can I trust you”? What they really are saying is; am I safe giving you my all? Will you hurt me or take advantage of me? Will you reciprocate my affection?
These are the underlying questions in the minds of couples. It’s not necessarily physical safety, although that is equally vital, but rather emotional safety that every man and woman desires.
Low self-esteem, insecurity and a constant feelings of rejection are manifested through arguments and reoccurring fights. They are all symptoms of the absence of emotional safety, which breeds distrust in a marriages and relationships.
COMMUNICATION
In the absence of communication; doubt, confusion and distrust thrives. They say “actions speak louder than words”, but nothing could ever replace the power of communication.
The lack of communication still remains the major reason most marriages/relationships Fail. Communicating effectively is critical and being consistent with the things you say (matching words with actions) encourages trust between spouses/couples. Saying one thing today and another tomorrow isn’t communication but rather miscommunication. We have to remember that marriage creates unity…two becoming one. We can use our powers of communication to solidify that unity or, God forbid, tear it apart.
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In conclusion, trust doesn’t stand on its own; it is a by-product of so many factors that play a vital role to its strengths or weakness, availability or unavailability in relationships. Trust remains the cornerstone for every relationship satisfaction and fulfillment. Among my favorite verses in the Bible is 1 Peter 3:7 where the Lord tells us that married couples share together the “grace of life.” What a privilege to share the precious gift of life and love with another soul!
May we share it honestly, humbly, and happily!