by Edward Lee
There is a new study conducted by The Marriage Project at the University of Virginia that is pushing new questions and discussion to the surface regarding the role and impact of faith in marriage.
Let me pause here and clarify that professionally, spiritually and personally I have no doubt that a personal relationship with God makes an absolutely immeasurable difference on the overall health of a marriage.
But beyond my own personal convictions, The Marriage Project determined that couples that pray and read the Bible together enjoy “higher levels of relationship quality.” These findings support the understanding that when a couple is spiritually connected to each other and to God, their relationship is positively impacted.
Finally! A slew of these secular, non-religious generated studies are starting to say what the faith community has known since Adam and Eve – that was best articulated by Jesus Himself – that who God joins together can not be separated. But there is something in this new study that prayerfully really grabs the attention of the African-American community.
When the researchers broke down the study participants, they noted that African-American couples enjoy a higher level of benefit from prayer and Bible reading than other ethnic groups. They attributed this elevated level of relationship enjoyment when compared to Latinos and Whites to the higher propensity of African-American couples to attend church and read the Bible together.
It is this religious propensity deeply woven into Black marriages that gives rise to what sociology professor and director of the National Marriage Project, W. Bradford Wilcox, calls the “African-American religion-marriage paradox.” I break Prof. Wilcox’s “paradox” down like this:
How is it that the group most likely to pray, attend church together, and benefit from a spiritual connection are also the group most likely to divorce? It would seem that as (not “if”) the power of a healthy marriage is found to be in a couple’s relationship with God, that the group more likely to have a relationship with God would be experiencing divorce at a lower rate than others. But we know that is not currently the case.
The results of this and similar studies has created a host of deep, scholarly opinions and postulating about this apparent paradox. And while I greatly appreciate the deep scholarly, analytical views, opinions, and theories that this study and related books are generating among scholars and marriage educators, there also needs to be a greater inner wrestling and discussion at the “user level” about this paradox. Why is it – how is it, that black couples can both be the most likely to dissolve their marriage and have the answer at the same time?
Having spent time working with couples both inside and outside of faith in God, I would be remiss not to mention that the disconnect does not lie with God. In fact, The Marriage Project’s results indicate that, God strengthens marriages. The power of His word, and prayer reaches couples of all stripes no matter where they are in their faith walk. But, apart and above church attendance, there is a need for the intentional, continual residence of God in our homes – daily. Personally, I have found that every major crisis in my marriage was resolved by our renewed concentration of faith through reading, studying and talking about Christ – together. Simply stated, my wife and I would never have gotten married and still be married if not for God. Yet, if we understand the findings of this report correctly, and remember the enduring testimony of faith and prayer inextricable from our heritage, then BMWK here is the question…
Is the power to change the rate of failed marriages and relationships in the African-American community primarily in the enlightenment and application of more faith, more praying together, more Bible reading together, and more Sunday’s in Church together?