by Tara Pringle Jefferson
When I first got married, I would drive home every day, exhausted from work and a two-hour commute, thinking to myself, “It would be so nice if my husband surprised me and brought dinner home.” Or “It would be nice if my husband surprised me with a gift.” Or “I would love it if he came home and gave me a back massage.” It didn’t really matter what it was – I just wanted some token that my husband was thinking of me.
And what happened? You guessed it. Day after day I’d wait for my husband to get home and he would do the same thing after a long day at work: collapse on the couch. He wasn’t thinking about giving me a back massage any more than I was thinking about giving him one. And so I would be frustrated because what I thought should happen usually didn’t.
It took some time, but I changed my perspective. I became more grateful for the little things. I began to get excited for the simple fact that he came home every day, on time, like clockwork. He got off work, picked up our two kids, brought them home. Didn’t hang out with his friends or stop at happy hour every day. I had to learn to appreciate the simple gestures all over again. It was only when I learned to just love his presence (nothing more, nothing less) did our relationship really improve.
I don’t need him to come home from work with flowers or chocolates or jewelry once a week (although it would be nice!). Just his smell, his presence, the sound of his voice – that’s enough for me.
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.
Jonesie says
This is so true and for new couples who have to come down off the dating/newly wed high this is a little difficult but when it can be done it makes the relationship that much stronger because unneccesary resentment and disappointment go right out the window.
Tamika says
I sooo loved that you posted this. It is so true. When you appreciate your mate for all the things they already give, you instantly give yourself peace and even more to love. I often think about how my husband is my best friend and what that used to mean to me as a child. When you are a kid you may love your best friend just as much as you love your momma! They are like “your everything”…if we can love as intensly as a child, just think how wonderful each day will be with your spouse!
Terry Anderson says
Well Said!
Thank you for the reminder!
busybodyk says
I love this post! I realized that thinking more positive thoughts about my husband yielded positive results. He rocks my world because I know he will. Its just that simple. All the other stuff is just extra mess.
Gee Renee says
Thanks for prefaceing this post with “When I First Got Married….” LOL. Many times we get marrying thinking, hoping and believing that our spouses will just ‘instictively’do the things that we want them to do. What I’ve learned after 18 years of marriage is men and womden do not think alike. Therefore, if there’s something that I want my husband to do for me, I MUST clearly and succintly ASK for what I want . And because my husband loves and cares deeply for me and our relationship, 9 out of 10 times I usually get whatever I ask for! :0)
Charreah J. says
Great post! I had the epiphany with my boyfriend last month. the power of perspective is real!
Ronnie says
Great Post Tara..and thanks for reminding me to appreciate and be thankful for what I have.
I agree with Gee Renee…it takes communication… and for the most part if I tell my husband that I want him to do something…he normally agrees. But what I really like is that sometimes he can sense that I had a rough day and he’ll say don’t worry about dinner..I will grab something on the way home…or he will try to do things to alleviate some of my stress!!
.-= Ronnie´s last blog ..Confessions From a Blended Family: A Biological Moms Perspective =-.
Staycee2 says
AAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhh, i just luv this website!!!!! Let me count the ways how much I appreciate his luv for our family… I remind my husband all the time about how much he treats me like a “princess” (just the little things)! My husband comes home n cooks n then goes out to pick up the kids and then lays it down to go work the grave yard shift! Yes, I miss him Monday thru Thursday evening (having someone to talk to), because he’s sleep by the time I get home, but just to see him lying in our bed reminds me that he’s doing it for US!!!!!! So every chance I get when I hear other women going through the changes with their significant other, I just kindly text him, ILUVMESUMU!!!!!
Fran says
after reading this blog i called my husband to ask him if he thought we had a simple kind of love, he told me yes and if i would leave work early he would show me( he still doesnt want to give up on the 30dsc lol or)!!! i told him to be serious and he told me” yes because when we fell in love the first time it was easy and even though we parted so sad but sweetly it made our second reunion oh so much sweeter as we never stopped loving one another so when we saw each other that first time it was almost love at first sight,but since we never fell out of love,it simply just bloomed open again” yes he did say that.!!! my husband can be something really good when he wants to be. so i love him come what may.
L. J. Miles says
Thank you so much for this Tara. I was just having this conversation (with myself), that things are much better when we approach our relationships without expectations. Thanks again.
~L. J.
.-= L. J. Miles´s last blog ..Hello I’m L.J. Miles, and I’m a social bluffer… =-.
LEROY | boys bedding says
As Ekert Tolle said in his book…”the simplest things make up the biggest happiness”…think of your most memorable moments and I bet they are always the simplest ones…
.-= LEROY | boys bedding´s last blog ..What is Kids Bed In A Bag =-.
Anna says
I too am the type of person that enjoys the simple fact that my husband comes home from work everyday. I don’t have a bomb strapped to his body and only I can unset it (and he better not be late otherwise it will go off). LOL. It is nice when either spouse helps out. We all get tired and if picking up dinner is a help, go for it. Yes men and women think differently. I can’t believe it was my husband who told me two weeks ago “I can’t read your mind”. I use to say that to him. LOL. I guess marriage is only as hard as we make it. If we remember that it’s not all about “me” but about “us” it does make a difference. Never make picking up the kids a chore(No one in here said that) some ppl do find picking up the kids or dinner a chore. Some ppl just need to remember that everyone is not blessed with kids, and some who have them only go through the motions and never learn to appreciate what being a parent or even a spouse means to the other person or miss out on the “reward” that having a spouse and kids bring. I do have to add that it’s not our job to tell single ppl to get married and when they do to hurry and havechildren. Not every person we know with or without kids wants to be married and not every married couple wants kids.
Chocolate Mom says
This was a great post! I’m constantly reminded of how wonderful my husband is through the eyes of someone else. For example, a close friend of mine is about to get married and spent last week packing up her apartment to move in with her fiance. He didn’t help with the packing, and she kind of said, “Well, it is my stuff, I get it”, but when moving day came, he went to work, and she moved in all by herself with the movers. The first words out of my mouth were, “My hubby would never do that and he has a bad back!” When I shared this with my husband, of course he beamed, and replied, “I would never have let you do something that like by yourself.” I love my husband is all I’m getting at. LOL
.-= Chocolate Mom´s last blog ..HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!! =-.
LaKeshia @ Kreative Talk says
Awesome Post! Just last night, I was complaining to my husband about what he doesn’t do and I feel he could carry more weight around the house. Well, this morning I apologized to him and he accepted. I told him that a lot of married men do not do half the things he does and I was selfish and wrong. I love your post.
.-= LaKeshia @ Kreative Talk´s last blog ..Should Men Buy Mother’s Day Gifts for Their "Baby Mamas?" =-.
K says
We all need to remember that what one husband may do another may not do, but they are all special in his own way, also we need to appreciate our husband but we cannot compare our husbands to other men, and we should not voice our opinions to our friends and say things like my husband won’t do that it may make our friend feel inferior, we need to point out the good things that that husband does and just support our friend.
ayanak says
I love this post and this website! So glad to finally see the positive and beautiful side of marriage reflected somewhere! I agree with the other ladies who said that once they decided to change their perspectives on their husbands, it actually changed the situation. I am blessed to have a really good man who is my best friend and who loves me and our kids. At the end of the day his dedication and commitment to our family is more important than anything else!
Chocolate Mom says
@K – I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your friends. The friend I referred to know my hubby and I have been through it, and my comment wasn’t used to make her feel inferior. The rest of our conversation was about the trials you go through prior to getting married that can only change once you’ve said your vows. A lot of men prior to getting married still believe in the “mine” vs “yours” philosophy (my husband included), and it’s not until you are married and have fully accepted the concept of “ours” will things change for the better in a relationship.
It’s hard to post a short comment to blogs without the full story, and I just wanted to clear my post up. Thanks.
.-= Chocolate Mom´s last blog ..HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!! =-.
Mandi says
This was a great post it was just what I needed!!! It’s always a great felling when you know your not the only one going through a situation. Thanks for this post!!!