By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
One of the main ingredients in my marriage is friendship. I’ve found that being in love and possessing a true friendship with your spouse makes for a great relationship. Thinking of how we normally build our friendships, I wonder why more of us don’t create marriages that include these same qualities. The relationships you have developed with your friends can easily translate into your marriage.
Friends confide in and trust one another. In a marriage, we must be able to completely trust the person we vowed to spend our lives with. Spouses have to build a safety net that allows each partner the space to always be who they truly are without fear of judgment or rejection.
Friends defend one another. There should never be a time, in our marriage, when we allow others to disrespect our spouses. When the world tears us down, there is no greater feeling than that of knowing your spouse has your back at all costs.
Friends are cheerleaders for one another. Spouses are supposed to make it all better. Being there when times are challenging comes with the marriage territory.
Friends calm each other down. At any given time, our spouse should be our voice of reason in times of stress. Our spouses should know the soothing words and actions we require to get us back to a place of calm.
Friends make time to have fun with one another. We often get excited about the idea of girls’ night or hanging out with the guys, what if we created couples’ night and added the same mixture of energy and time into one another.
Friends desire to see the other happy. While we cannot complete one another, we can most certainly add to the lives of our spouses. Our goal should be relieving stress and bringing more joy. With that in mind, we should never intentionally do things that will hurt our spouse. If our ultimate goal is to add to their happiness, our actions will reflect that goal.
Friends listen to one another. When we aren’t as tied to having our say or making sure our point is received and truly being open to hearing what our spouse is saying, there will be improvement in the marriage.
Friends support each other’s dreams. As our friends support us, we have to encourage our spouses in moving forward in their dreams and goals. Being surrounded by a circle of support will empower anyone to pursue the desires of their heart.
Maintaining the “friend” part of a marriage ensures its health. A healthy balance in any marriage is to build the friendship in addition to the romance.
BMWK, how is the “friend” part of your marriage?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.