by Edward C. Lee
Last weekend I did what I have done every weekend since late August. I spent most of the weekend x-ing things off my to-do list, to make sure I was free once my favorite football team was on. So here it was, first round of the playoffs, and my beloved Philadelphia Eagles and Mike Vick were ready to do their thing. But about mid-way through the first quarter it was clear that something was amiss, they just weren’t playing like they could. It was at that point – still early in the game that I said, “The handwriting is on the wall”. Unfortunately, I was painfully correct – they lost the game and now it is on to basketball season, Go Lakers – LOL.
As I uttered that familiar phrase of impending doom about the handwriting on the wall, I was reminded of the phrase’s origin and the powerful insight, that I personally gained from it for my own marriage. Plus, I was ready to think about anything but what had just happened to my Eagles.
In brief, the phrase originates from what happened to Belshazzar the king of Babylon (modern day Iraq). As he sat in a banquet hall filled with 1,000 servants, he had a vision of a hand, a literal hand, writing on a wall. As it might for most of us, the sight of a hand writing on a wall scared Belshazzar. To add to the tension of it, he was the only one in the room that saw this vision. So he offered rich rewards of gold, silver and fine clothing to anyone that could interpret the words and meaning of the vision that he saw.
But, after offering large sums of money, spending time consulting with every professional and wise person available, his wife walked in the room and told him about, Daniel, a man that could interpret the vision. And right there in that exchange between Belshazzar and his wife, I was educated about the cost of forfeiting the wisdom and gifts of my wife. He was looking for paid help while the free gift of his wife was being overlooked.
It doesn’t take a long time in honest reflection to be reminded of the times I have invested or should I say wasted, large chunks of time and money consulting with “everybody”, while overlooking the help and wisdom God gave me in my wife. No she does not know everything, in some areas she has no training or background at all. But, she is my wife, the one that cares most about me and has my back more than anyone else on earth.
Becoming to Familiar
What I have discovered is that as the years of marriage tick on, a level of familiarity limits my/our perception of our spouses value or gifts. It is amazing because I thought I knew her when we got married but the truth is no one really knows their spouse when they marry them. Surely, there are certain core truths that we know, but how they will respond and grow to life’s “movement” is a mystery. How will they respond to the loss of a job, or loss of a parent, or moving to a new part of the country, etc…? These are all questions with no answers until we actually experience them. My point is that familiarity can cause us to make limit defining determinations about what the person we are married to has to offer. That is when we begin to look for answers elsewhere. However, life is teaching me to keep a “flexible perspective” of my wife, by taking a fresh look at who I am really married to. For example, the birth of our son gave me a new wife. A totally different person with attributes that simply were not visible before my son was born. But rather, than lock into the person and ideas I had about my wife based on our past I fell in love with the new person that I now had as a result of what life was pushing out of her.
I share this because I see so many marriages that are staring at the hand writing on the wall (right now) because they have invested time and energy looking for everyone, someone, anyone, to answer life’s complexities and all the while the answer is in the spouse God has already provided.
BMWK, take a fresh look at the gifts of your “better half”, how has your view of your spouse grown over the years of your marriage?
P.S. You can read the story of Belshazzar, his wife and Daniel in it’s entirety in Daniel chapter 5 of the Bible.
Edward is an Ordained Minister, Bible College Professor, Pastoral Marriage Counselor, and Author of two first of their kind marriage books, Husbands, Wives, God: Introducing the Marriages of the Bible to Your Marriage and coming February 1st, Husbands, Wives, God – Weekly Devotions: 52 Weeks of Relationship Enriching Devotions. To learn more about Edward and Husbands, Wives, God go to edwardclee.com or follow on facebook at Husbands, Wives, God.