For a while, my husband and I were not on the same page. I felt that we did not go out enough. He felt that we went all of the time. I felt that we were not connecting enough. He agreed: he felt that the number of rolls in the hay could increase even though I was not talking about sex, I was referring to talking.
I was tired of the fighting and realized that I did not want to “win” the argument because I deeply loved my husband and believed that we were on the same team, and “winning” an argument would prove fruitless in creating a strong and happy marriage.
So, one day, instead of complaining to him about what wasn’t happening, I asked him to sit next to me at the dinner table so I could show him something.
Before I pulled the “something” out, I told him that I thought that this “something” would help us get on the same page, would help us have an accurate account of what we did and did not do as a couple.
“What is it, Kara?” he asked.
I pulled it out.
From my bag, I pulled out a blank monthly calendar that I had downloaded and printed earlier that day while at work.
I proposed that we co-create the sex life, social life, and family life that we wanted. I figured that since we were so proactive in our financial life, it was about time that we were as equally proactive about all other aspects of our lives.
That night, we populated the calendar with all of the things that we had already planned to do that month and added things that we wanted to do together as well.
We put the monthly calendar on the refrigerator and kept a pen nearby to update it.
It has been four months since we implemented our system. And can I tell you, our calendar system works? It puts everything that we do together in writing. It keeps us honest. Neither one of us could complain about what wasn’t happening in the marriage. The calendar helps keep peace, keeps accurate record, and gives us both something to look forward to in our marriage on a daily and weekly basis.
Over the last months, we have made the system even more of our own. Since our calendar is in a public area in the house, we created special codes and symbols for what we do as to maintain our privacy in the midst of (nosy) company. Last month, my husband added one of our favorite pictures of ourselves to the head of the calendar. Once a month goes by, we file the calendar as a keepsake. A few days before the next month, we print out a new calendar and populate it.
This system has brought so much adventure, sex, and connection into our marriage and it did not cost us a penny.
BMWK Family: What system do you use to bring more love, sex, and connection into your marriage? What works for you?