Picture this scene:
I’m standing in the kitchen, staring into the spice cabinet to see what spices I can put on this beef roast so it tastes like it does when my husband cooks. He’s a mad scientist in the kitchen so there’s no real “recipe” ““ just guessing.
I call him over to me. “What?” he grumbles on the couch.
“Can you come here?” I ask.
“What do you need?”
“Just come here.”
He sighs, heaves himself off the couch and away from his ESPN and stumbles over to the kitchen, but stops about four feet away from me, far enough away that he can’t grab or even see the spices.
I know he’s trying to avoid any work, figuring if I’m not close enough to touch him, then any instructions I give are pretty much optional.
“Come closer.”
“What?” He takes one baby step forward.
This is the point I want to explode. I want to say, “Negro, bring your ^#$ over here so you can show me which of these #%$^&%^*^ spices I can use to fix you a delicious #%^*$#@%$ dinner.”
Instead I say, “Honey, I need you to come here and show me what I need to put on this meat so it tastes so delicious like it does when you cook it. I’m just trying to please you, sweetie, and make a great dinner for my man. I know how hard you work all week.”
A bit much? Yeah, but it works. Quicker than I can blink, he’s all up in the cabinet, pulling out all the usual spices.
My mother always says you can catch more flies with sugar (or honey, I can’t remember which) and the same is true in a relationship or marriage. Fussing and fighting gets you nowhere. You’ve gotta learn to mask your true message ““ “Get in here!” within words of love, i.e. “I want to make you a delicious dinner.”
Although my husband knows what I’m up to, he always goes along with it and even uses it on me sometimes. When he’s begging for my attention when I have a deadline or a blog post to write, he gives me those puppy-dog eyes and says to no one in particular, “Oh, I just miss my wife so much! I wish she’d turn off that computer and spend some time with me”....” And I usually do.
BMWK readers, how do you get your way with your significant other? Let us know in the comments!