by Aisha Stith

I get it”the day is short and the nights seem shorter. When you are a parent and married it’s like time is uber restricted. So I came up with three easy ways to spend time together: the IN-HOUSE date, EARLY AM chat and MIDDAY DASH date. My days are filled with pre-k drop off and pick up, work, making sure that I get a good hour of exercise at least five days a week, countless hobbies, social engagements, Sunday church, Wednesday Bible study, and of course fraternizing with my friends and family whenever possible. For a while the term “Date Night” was completely foreign to me. But then I stopped and thought, I somehow squeeze all of these things into my day, and I need to do the same for my husband and my marriage. So I came up with the:

1. In-House Date Night (even if the kids are home). The purpose here is to make an effort. While you can be comfortable in your home with wearing sweats and your hair curlers, take the time to throw on something sexy, go and rent a DVD, grab a glass of something good to drink and tune out everything. Don’t answer the phone, don’t entertain your kids, maybe you don’t even need to talk, just relax, watch a movie, sip your drink of choice and act like you did when you were courting one another. Now repeat once weekly.

2. Early AM Chat.  I know we love to sleep and especially sleep in, but once a week, set your alarm early before your kids rise and enjoy each other’s conversation. Don’t let any stressful aspects of your life creep into this AM chat. Keep it fun and light hearted. Revisit your goals for the week, complement one another, get up and have a bowl of cereal together without your kid’s interference. I bet you won’t even notice that you have missed out on a little sleep. The benefits of an early morning chat can lead to great rewards. You will be pumped and ready to face the day and most importantly excited to get back home at the end of the day!

3. Midday Dash Date. During those weeks when there is simply not enough time in the morning and your exhaustion level is insanely high at the end of the day, try a Midday Dash Date. Meet your spouse somewhere that you wouldn’t go at noon. I suggest an art gallery, a museum, somewhere tranquil, calming, where you can only have light conversations. A restaurant can be noisy and you may end up talking about work, stresses of kids, and beyond, but in a quiet artsy setting you can really only smile, nod, gush, and rekindle.
I certainly hope that these tidbits can help us as we make history and love together while being Black and Married With Kids!

Aisha Stith is equal part romance coach, politico, and chef. She is a happy wife and a proud  mommy. You can find her on twitter @AishaStith!