By Edward C. Lee
From a technical standpoint many economists and financial experts have said that our nation’s recession ended in June of 2009. While it may be “technically” true, for many families the struggle continues. Every week new reports come out about the number of newly unemployed or recently foreclosed upon. While things may be improving, the economy is still suffering.
What often is not accounted for in weekly and monthly updates on the health of the nation’s economy is the impact that the economic downturn is having on our marriages and families. While the number of strained marriages as a result of the financial downturn can not be pinned down with absolute certainty, it is typically a safe bet that where there is financial strain, marital strain is right there with it.
I will leave the financial “how to’s” and what to do’s to the financial experts. But from one married person to another, here are three perspectives to keep in mind, while going through the storm of a financial downturn.
- Don’t turn on each other. The strains of financial instability have a way of turning what once was a strong thriving relationship into a relationship marked by finger pointing and blame. I must admit, this is an area my wife and I have grown in tremendously over the last few years. In our dating years, if bills were not paid or someone’s credit took a “ding” it was surely accompanied by blame and finger pointing. As the years have passed we have learned to talk more and communicate with less underlying personal anxiety. Instead of accusations and suspicions we have learned to deal with our finances as a team through weekly meetings. Learning to work together has helped us weather so many financial storms and realize that whether it was “I” or “you” that brought about the financial troubles, it will take a “we” to get out of the hole. Discuss, forgive, and make a plan to get it straight – but at all costs avoid the urge to turn on each other.
- Stick to the core principles. Every successful relationship is marked by shared principles like, honesty, trust, communication, team work, etc. Personally, for me and my wife it is faith. Stressful periods of our marriage have grown us to understand that without faith in God it really is impossible to endure. There have been times when all we have to hang our hats on is the track record of how God has sustained us in the past. Whenever we have lost sight of the core principles of our faith we have found ourselves in more mess than we know what to do with. Whatever the core principles are of your relationship – hold on to them in tough times. Do not allow your vision to become blurred. Go back to the core values and interests that brought you together in the first place. Set aside time to talk to each other, go for walks, or take on some project together. Take this time to rediscover each other and realize the true strength of your relationship. Without the determination to remain faithful to the core principles of who you are as individuals and as a couple, there will be little to hold the two of you together.
- Be Patient. As my grandmother used to tell me, “Trouble don’t last always.” Going through a tough financial spot is not the same as setting up camp and staying there forever. As you proactively work on specific financial concerns, at some point things will turn around. In most cases, it took some time to get into the jam, so it may take time to get out. By being patient with each other, planning, holding on, not turning on each other and holding onto your core principles your relationship will come out stronger on the other side.
No one knows how long the dark days of this recession will last, but as you stick together, hold onto core values and be patient with each other, your marriage can continue to thrive.
So BMWK family, encourage other and share your solutions. How is your marriage surviving or thriving during the nation’s economic downturn?