The word “love” brings on a lot of different emotions. It can be described as a noun or a verb. It can make you feel amazingly high or tragically low. It’s one of the ingredients of a successful marriage, but certainly not the only one. For some, it’s a lot easier to say you love someone than it is to actually show it. This is a problem in a lot of different relationships and marriages. Significant others may feel as if they need additional reassurance to feel as if they’re truly being loved. We’ve mentioned the 5 love languages, a concept and book by Dr. Gary Chapman, several times on BMWK, but what about the 5 senses we already had? How can you use those to show your spouse you love them?
- Sight: You may see your spouse everyday but do you actually see them? Do you notice when things change, and compliment them on it? Husbands, did you let your wife know how amazing she looks in that dress, or admire her manicure and pedicure? Wives, when’s the last time you let your husband know how sexy your man looks after he got his hair cut, or how fine he looks in his suit when he goes to church or to work? People can say looks aren’t everything as much as they want, but you have to be at least somewhat attracted to your mate if you married them. Even if you don’t have a particular thing to zero in on, gazing dreamingly at your love will usually prompt them to ask why you’re staring, and you can reply how handsome or beautiful he or she looks in general.
- Hearing: There’s a saying that you have 2 ears and 1 mouth because you should twice the amount of listening as you do talking, but how many of us actually follow that wisdom? Seems like there’s a lot more talking going on in a relationships, and not enough listening. Talking isn’t a sense for a reason. When’s the last time you actually listened to what your partner had to say as opposed to just hearing it? Fellow blogger Charli Penn has a post called Ladies, Is He Listening or Are His “Husband Ears” Turned On?, which was comedic, yet true. When your better half tells you about their day, are you actively listening and engaging or just letting the words go in one ear and our the other? Wives have this issue too. We hear what we want to hear and not what our spouse wants us to hear. Really listen to what your husband or wife has to say instead of ignoring them.
- Touch: Physical touch is also one of the five love languages, and it’s very important in a thriving relationship. Part of intimacy includes touching, including, but not limited to: holding hands, hugging, kissing, wrapping your arms around each other, massaging, rubbing, squeezing, and of course having sexual intercourse. People respond to touch differently, so find out how your companion enjoys being touched. My husband loves to hold the back of my neck (which I find funny because my dad did that all the time to me growing up) as well as play with my ears and hold my waist. I like to give my husband massages and hold him close. A loving touch can go a long way, and sometimes doesn’t even require you to say anything. It’s all in the touch. Try not to pull away when your wife wants to hug you or when your husband wants to hold you. Embrace it!
- Taste: You hear from many couples that the way to someone’s heart is through food, and that is very true. In the African American community especially, we hold a lot of celebrations and emotions around food. Taste is bigger than you’d expect when it comes to love. My husband and I do some of our best bonding over food. We’re big foodies, so we love to explore different restaurants and recipes together. We like to split our cooking duties as well. He cooks the best catfish and burgers, and I enjoy different types of chicken dishes and breakfast. One couple who really uses taste to show their love is Patrick and Gina Neely from the Food Network’s Down Home with the Neelys. They have opened up BBQ restaurants and share their family recipes on TV with their viewers. Try taking a cooking class with your mate or trying out a new dish together, and see how close you two can get.
- Smell: This sense is big with my husband and I. Little makes us feel better than a pleasant smell. I constantly compliment on how good he smells when he uses his colognes and lotion, and I get the same when using my body butters and perfumes. It draws us closer to each other when we get a small sniff of how we smell. Allergies can be an issue, but light scents could still work. Maybe use scented oils for moisturizing or spritz some fragrance around your pressure points. Your spouse will certainly appreciate it.
So how do you plan on using your senses to love your spouse?