by Tara Pringle Jefferson
It took me a full week but I finally got our laundry situation under control. Every single piece of clothing that we owned was clean, folded and put away in drawers. That night, I went to my dresser and went to find something to wear to bed.
My choices were pathetic. Do I slip on one of my husband’s XL shirts from his high school football days (he’s now 29) or do I wear a too-tiny camisole that exposes all the areas of my body I’m not too proud of? Ugh.
I know in a marriage, you are supposed to be comfortable. This is the person you have vowed to spend the rest of your life with, so it would be a long and painful journey together if you could never really let loose and just be yourself. Sometimes after a long day, you don’t care if your top matches your pants or if your headscarf makes you look like Harriet Tubman. Sometimes you just want to relax and breathe and not worry about impressing anyone.
But at the same time, I don’t want my husband to come to bed, take one look at me with my mouth open, snoring slightly and headscarf askew, and think, “Good Lord.” Plus, looking nice (even at bedtime) helps keep the love life strong, if you know what I mean.
Do you put effort into your pajamas? Ladies ““ do you wear lingerie most nights? Some nights? Only on “special” nights? Do you care what your husband looks like? Fellas ““ do you care what your lady looks like?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.
Sheena @ Sophistishe says
I dress comfy in whatever, satin bonnet & all. Lingerie makes me so uncomfortable and plus I just feel like it’s something you wear when you plan on getting it on. I’m speaking pre-cosleeping days. In the future, I still don’t see myself wearing sexy pjs. I wish Greg would wear some PJ pants or cute boxers, he just sleeps in his “drawls” lol.
.-= Sheena @ Sophistishe´s last blog ..Lets Try This Again =-.
Harriet says
Well, most of my every day undergarments are cute matching sets, so if I don’t feel like putting on the lingerie that it takes instructions and a college degree to don, I’m still good.
Before I got married (and even some months into the marriage until my husband had a little chit chat with me), it was always my basketball shorts and a tank. My husband told me he felt like he was sleeping next to another man. LOL So I made some adjustments, went Adina Howard with my “TShirt and my panties on,” or just slept in the cutesie “drawls” set with matching panties and bra.
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..In Transition =-.
Riswas says
Ye,s I make the effort to look cute when I go to bed and we’ve been married 14 years. Nothing fancy, just a cute nightie and a black and white silk scarf in a mod pattern.When we’ve talked my guy has asked why women change after marriage and don’t keep up the efforts that landed the man in the first place. I certainly don’t want to get busy every night, but I know men are very visual people and when I keep up my end he appreciates it and it shows in many ways.
Roger Madison says
The advice I give men who are getting married includes three items:
1. No clothes in the Bedroom. This makes intamacy spontaneous, and challenges both to retain that attractiveness that created sparks in the first place. Clothes just get in the way. BTW, locks on doors keep children out, and teach them to respect your privacy by knocking before entering.
2. Tell her you love her every day. “I Love you.” Those three words should start your day, fill your day, and end your day. It is a reminder that keeps you focused on why you got married in the first place.
3. Always make sure you have the last words. Most often they are, “Whatever you say, honey.”
We have abided by these rules for 43 years, two children, and two grandchildren.
Aja says
It depends. Normally I wear matching pajama sets which aren’t sexy but aren’t hideous. I’ll mix it up every now and again and wear lingerie. I think the problem for me is that my husband doesn’t seem to care at all what I have on. He doesn’t seem any less excited when I have on the Harriet Tubman headscarf than sexy lingerie so I have less motivation to put it on. When I do, its normally moreso that I can feel sexy than for him really.
Ronnie says
I admit that I am really bad in this area. In the winter, my pajamas don’t match. I grab my pajama pants (leopard, or stripped, or plaid) and any old t-shirt and wala…I am ready for bed. And Oh…let’s not forget my scarf. Lamar loves it …right honey 🙂
But I think that I can do better…my pajama sets should at least match. I received many many sexy nighties at my bridal shower…but I don’t like to wear that stuff on a regular basis. Like Sheena, I don’t find that stuff too comfortable.
Jai@wifeof1momof4 says
I guess I should at least MATCH .. huh? Trying to do better in the winter .. summers around here are not so bad., 🙂
.-= Jai@wifeof1momof4´s last blog ..Break Dancing =-.
Kevin says
To me, I could care less. I want it any it way. Ugly PJ’s, headscarf and all. But I think to some men, if there woman wears more to bed she may not be up to getting it on. Compared to a woman who wears something sexy or even a bra and panties.
Anna says
I agree with comment # 4, Roger Madison. No clothes in the bedroom, but keep them close by in case of a fire. My hubby has many matching Pjs. Cotton, flannel, silk . It’s Winter and I get warmer quicker in the buff. Hubby wears “Bill Cosby” PJs. W/matching Robes. LOL. Maybe he thinks he’s “Heff”. I do agree with Harriet a cute matching “panty and bra” set can be sexy but most women don’t consider it “lingerie”, but most hubby’s do. It’s a cheaper way vs buying all of “Vicky’s Secrets”. I find any type of gown moves too much when turning over in bed while trying to sleep.
Bicultural wifenmom says
My husband works nights so in our house it’s a range of nightware, from sweats when he’s working, to victoria’s secret pajama set or nightgown when it’s really cold, to my birthday suit as often as possible. The only constant is my headscarf, but i take that off and rock the sexy lingerie (pronounced leen-ger-ree) when I have a specific intention, that way there’s no confusion. He prefers the last three, i prefer sweats or birthday suit as sexy lingerie tends to be not conducive to a good nights sleep, for many reasons . Besides, fresh air is better for the goodies anyway, plus i find my body better regulates its temperature when I’m au natural, so I don’t alternate being too hot and too cold all night.
Tiffany @ Knot Chocolate says
If my husband had his way, I’d wear lingerie every day, all day. I try to mix it up for him. Some nights I’ll wear the lingerie. It’s not uncomfortable to me, but I prefer to be more covered up during the winter. Other times I’ll throw on sweats and a t-shirt. He hates it, but like I said, I mix it up. Some nights are for him, other nights are for me :o)
.-= Tiffany @ Knot Chocolate´s last blog ..No Dogs Allowed! =-.
Colette says
My nighttime wardrobe says ‘realistic’. When we first met he bought me lingerie….I’m not really the lingerie type, in the sense that it is frilly and lacy. Instead I have a night gown, it’s fitted and whenever I wear it I know it will be a late night!! When the…gates…are closed, I wear nicely fitted night pants and a nicely fitted tshirt (I have one with Jimmy Hendrix that I like). It doesn’t matter to him what I wear he feels if tonight’s the night it’s coming off either way. ( :
Anna says
Bicultural wifenmom January 4, 2010 at 7:46 pm
My husband works nights so in our house its a range of nightware, from sweats when hes working, to victorias secret pajama set or nightgown when its really cold, to my birthday suit as often as possible. The only constant is my headscarf, but i take that off and rock the sexy lingerie (pronounced leen-ger-ree) when I have a specific intention, that way theres no confusion. He prefers the last three, i prefer sweats or birthday suit as sexy lingerie tends to be not conducive to a good nights sleep, for many reasons . Besides, fresh air is better for the goodies anyway, plus i find my body better regulates its temperature when Im au natural, so I dont alternate being too hot and too cold all night.
LOL @ your comment.
My plan tonight is to go to bed as usual. I am flat iroining my hair and hope my scarf does not fall off in the middle of the night. I will go to bed with dots of “toothpaste” on my two pimples, but I will smell like “oil sheen, and minty fresh”. and put on my new perfume he bought me for Christmas. LOL. I have known many older couples in my life that say, ” your spouse knows your inner most thoughts, your spouse knows what you look like when you go to bed, your spouse knows if you snore, etc.. but in public, your spouse knows (after so many years of marriage) we want to make ourselves look better in public, If or, if we do not wear a scarf, wrap cap or know our bones our ti red at the end of the day and take a ben gay or a soak in epsion salt bath. “No One Has To Know”. Remember when Janet was on “Different Strokes and wore pimple creme and “What You Talking “bout Wills” got scared out of marriage. LOL. Don’t think that a man who marries us expects us to look good in the bedroom everynight. I think that a man wants us to still feel attracted to who we are and comfortable taking us out in public, due to the things we and he have to ritual through the night hours. It does go for both husband and wife no matter how long the marriage. Don’t we all want to look good durning the day and at the end of the day for each other?
Colette says
@Roger Madison, I agree with most of what you say except for no clothes in the bedroom…no way, I’d never sleep! LOL
Saying ‘I Love you’ is very true. We are big users of those words. We say it many times a day…we have very few cross words or bad energy because of it. LOL @ #3
Jonesi says
I always love what Mr. Roger has to say! 🙂
As for me, I HAVE to be comfy – but way to go Tara, for making me feel bad! LOL…but seriously, when we first met, I remember breaking my neck to be cute AND comfy, and now the “cute” isn’t much of a priority. I was reading something about how Beyonce was complaing that Jay-Z felt women should wear high heels to the bathroom and she was tired of keeping up (not sure if that was accurate though…just read it on a blog), but it made me think back to how important it used to be for every hair to be in tact, attire sexy and classy and now…um, yea…I’m still in my college bum stage. *sigh*…my poor husband.
But let me just get this out of my system. It seems some men really do take for granted the effort involved in being a well put together woman. My husband takes all of 20mins to get dressed and ready…and it looks great, but the effort I use to spend being “all that” was quite exhausting. So I said all that to say, compliment your women when she puts in the effort to look nice, because it truly IS effort. Hair and make-up, primping in stilettos, etc. deserve a compliment 🙂
I can’t tell you how annoyed I get when I go out of my way to look nice and the man says nothing without being prompted….(whoo sah LOL)
Yolanda (The Queen) says
There are some “nightware” for men and women that are cute, comfy and sexy.
Denise says
I enjoy the feel of looking sexy not only for him but for myself mostly. At the end of my day when all is said and done. I am left with what I see in the mirror, “Me”. So coming home, having a nice dinner and relaxing is one thing, but slipping into a teddy, baby doll, camisole, chemise, with a splash of soft cologne reminds me that I am more than a Mother, worker, friend, Daughter and sister but I am treasured, valued, and appreciated for the little things I do for me and him. Who BTW is my best friend, I Love you