So as the East Coast gets close to back to normal after Hurricane Irene I am taking a minute to reflect on how the storm provided a report card for my marriage.
Let me start with the lead up to the weekend of the hurricane. My wife and I have not had what she calls a real vacation in about three years. By “real vacation” my wife means a Caribbean or tropical destination for at least a week or longer. But since she has just started back to work she doesn’t yet have the vacation days to parade around Aruba or some tropical destination for a week. So…we compromised for a nice resort on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland””with our three-year-old in tow.
I say all of that to say that although we really needed a vacation we had also already tempered our expectations for a romantic husband-and-wife vacation””at least until next year. So as humble as our three-day vacation was set to be, we were really, really looking forward to it. So when we arrived at the resort on that Thursday it was pretty exciting just to be away. Until they told us that we would be mandatorily evacuated on Saturday and lose two days of our much needed vacation.
Learning to Make the Most of the Hand You Are Dealt
And right there the stage was set! Lips were slowly sliding toward being poked out, eyes were becoming watery and attitudes were ripe to start souring against each other. However, in that moment I became real proud of my little family. Because even though a storm was coming, it was sunny and beautiful at that moment. So rather than let what was coming in two days overtake us, we began to squeeze the juice out of the moment.
We rushed off to the tennis courts, then to the pool, then to dinner, then to the activity center. The next morning it was a crack-of-dawn breakfast, miniature golf, more swimming, crabbing, a few minutes for mommy and daddy in the hot tub, air hockey, video games and a family walk””all done in time for a 11 a.m. checkout! After an early lunch we were headed back home.
Now a few years ago, the frustration of our vacation plans being altered beyond our control would have caused some real ugliness to be on display. But I think some of the bumps and bruises that we have made it through over the past few years have changed our perspective of what was important. And that is lesson #1: In marriage there are uncontrollable moments, where things just don’t go as planned. In that moment there is a choice to be made, either turn against each other or stand together and make the most of what the situation is.
Learning to Become Flexible
So as we drove home we were feeling slighted of our last two days but satisfied with the day and half we salvaged and the memories that were created. Then about half way home, my wife blurts out, “Where else can we go?” My first thought was we have already been through this, before we even left home, everything inland is already booked. Just accept it; we are heading home. But that was just my thought, meanwhile she was on the phone scoring one of the last two hotel rooms available at the Hershey Hotel at Hershey Park. The room came with tickets to the Hershey Amusement Park and a tour of Chocolate World, to learn how Hershey makes and distributes chocolate all over the world.
It was a show of flexibility and spontaneity that taught me to lighten up, throw out the itinerary and remain flexible. We started out our vacation wanting a romantic Caribbean vacation for two, then settled for a shortened stay on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland with child along, before heading to an amusement park. But when it was all said and done, we ended up having one of the best family vacations we have ever had. We were powerless to stop Hurricane Irene from coming, but we learned to make the best of what it was. I hope this becomes a trait of our marriage and family going forward, because while our area may not face another hurricane like that one in a while, life assuredly will provide other storms and opportunities to grow through them.
How about you? Do you think your family would have been as flexible? in what ways has your marriage and family grown or is growing?