By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
This week not only brought me insight but it also provided me a glimpse into the mind of “today’s” single black man.
I recently launched an internet radio show, which I have to admit, has brought more joy than I imagined. The latest show was geared toward singles and my scheduled guests were single guys.
Frequently I am asked to write (or blog) about how to find a relationship. I had been hesitant to do that until now. I have been married for more than 12 years and wasn’t sure what I would be able to offer on the best way to find a mate (since it has been so long). The show gave me the platform to allow them to speak to one another. The plan was to have a candid discussion about dating and being single. The men were randomly chosen from my personal and professional circle. As I planned the show and created the interview questions, I thought I knew how each would answer, based on what I had already known about their lives. I was wrong. I can admit it now – I had preconceived ideas about single black men.
Here’s what I thought:
- Being single, from the male perspective, was nothing but fun. I always thought it was their goal to date a variety of women and not worry about commitment (which is a valid choice).
- Only women create lists about what they want in a relationship.
- Men are generally turned off by a woman who makes the first move.
- The majority of single men may be afraid of commitment.
- Men are not interested in discussing why they are single and what specifically they are seeking.
- Men are totally comfortable approaching a woman.
Here’s what I learned:
- There aren’t very many benefits in being single. The guys revealed their interest in finding that special someone and the search, sometimes, isn’t all that fun.
- There are men who not only create lists about what they want in a relationship but also stick to them.
- Some men are naturally shy and need a sign or the okay before they approach a woman.
- Marriage and commitment are definitely on the radar for some single guys, it is just a matter of finding that one.
- Men can communicate effectively and are definitely willing to share their thoughts and ideas on dating and relationships.
These few single men do eventually want to become married men and it appears they already have a true understanding of this level of commitment. The choice to wait until they know they have found the one is definitely commendable. Relationships and marriages should not be entered into lightly. These types of dialogues allow men and women to be open about what they desire and what they are willing to give and learn from one another. The next show”... single women!
BMWK, what advice would you give to singles looking for ways to find a mate and build a strong relationship?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing and creator of The Black Wives’ Club. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing radio show on blogtalkradio.com.