What is the Husband’s Responsibility to his Wife and Children?

Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I have been married for 14 yrs with 4 adorable children. My marriage was an enviable one before things changed. My husband works in a private organization and earns a good salary, but he met a woman at his job who is trying to sleep with him. We are very open to each other. The day he told me about the woman, I started praying. My husband has changed completely. He lies, stays out late and does not care about his family. Recently he asked me to loan him some money and promised to return it soon. It has been more than 6 months, and when I ask about the money, he tells me that he is not ready to return it. He has decided to leave all the house responsibility to me. I saw him with some money but he denied having any. He is leaving me with the bills and is not available anymore. I only see him in my bedroom when he is in the mood. My opinion does not matter to him. I have suffered and stayed with him even when he did not have anything.

Now that we have a good life together, he chooses to be unfaithful. I am only holding on because of our children. I know what it is like to be without your parents and I do no want my angels to go through that. I love my husband and want my peaceful and joyful home back. What is the Husband’s Responsibility to his Wife and Children?

Thanks Mrs. Confused

Dear Mrs. Confused,

I believe in love and doing right by children. Like you, I am also a product of not having both parents under the same roof. However, I do not believe in exposing children to emotional abuse and unhealthy love. Just as children learn how to walk, talk and eat, they also learn how to love. I commend you for wanting the best for your children. This is noteworthy. Nevertheless, I challenge you to think about yourself and what is best for you and your children overall.

Marriage is a beautiful union and can bring a wealth of joy if the “right” kind of work is conducted to sustain it. Selfishness has no place in a marriage. Devotion to ourselves will eventually cause us to be by ourselves. Your husband needs to learn what it means to lead a household. Titles such as father and husband come with several responsibilities.

First, 1 Peter 3:7 states that the husband is to honor his wife. This means that your husband is required to show you respect which involves being courteous, considerate, and emotionally supportive.

Second, 1 Timothy 5:8 states that the husband is required to provide for his household financially. Your husband has a responsibility to provide for you and your children.

Third, 1 Timothy 3:3-51 states that the husband is supposed to rule over the household. This involves loving on and disciplining children, as well as sharing all of the responsibility for molding and guiding children.

Please understand that as a wife, you are an extension of your husband. Your husband must learn to love you as he loves himself. This is his Godly duty. Time and time again, women like you sacrifice your own happiness and fail to receive what God has promised you because you allow men to neglect their responsibilities.

Societal norms have contributed to the belief that women should be more willing to sacrifice than men. This unfortunate perception has caused tension in many marriages. We are no longer living in the 19^th century. I would urge you to practice compromise and sacrifice, but I also urge you to challenge your husband to do the same. You cannot expect different results by engaging in the same behavior. People often do what they can get away with. Seek professional counseling and learn to hold your husband accountable.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.