by Monea Tamara
This site featured an article this month called “Childfree and Happy.“ Much gratitude goes out to Michaela for writing this article for those of us who are married without kids. I share some of her thoughts and experiences but mostly the feeling of being childfree and happy.
Since we’ve been married, my husband and I have had our ups and down in this area. We’ve gone back and forth about when we’d like to try to have a baby. Then, maybe about 6 months ago, we both began to make peace with being child-free. We began to find joy and happiness in our childfree lifestyle and this happened quite naturally! As my husband says, “We be chillin’.” We work hard and play hard”...and the ability to do both is mainly because we don’t have children. We both work hard in our respective careers but we also take 2 to 3 week-long vacations per year, date at least once a week, take mini-2 night vacations, or just sleep-in, watch movies and order Chinese every now and then. We have weekly dates to watch certain TV shows that we do not miss. We enjoy each other and feel so blessed to have this time to enjoy each other”...and continue to learn each other.
This week, my husband and I finally saw the movie The Bucket List, starring Morgan Freeman. A very powerful, thought-provoking movie that may appear to be about death, The Bucket List it is really about living”...and loving. I won’t say much more about it but see it if you have not already. My husband and I love to watch movies together. He enjoys the movies and I enjoy the conversation after the movie much more. After we watched The Bucket List, we began to discuss our Baby Bucket List””the things we’d like to do before we have kids.
Some may think this is silly and others may think this is selfish or too idealistic. Maybe it is but for us, it is acknowledging that having a baby is a major life change. Babies are gifts from God and they come into our lives and change our lifestyles. The Baby Bucket List is also a way for us to live and cherish the life that we have together for today, in this moment. For us, it is just living life to the fullest and making more memories! When times get rough, it is always good to have those memories in our back pockets to pull out as reminders of how blessed we are to share our lives with each other. So, let the memories continue! Here are some of the things on our Baby Bucket List:
- Hajj in Mecca
- 1 Month Yoga Retreat in Costa Rica
- Visit Egypt and Italy
- Visit a Spanish Speaking country (and stay long enough to become more fluent in Spanish)
- See the 7 Natural Wonders of the World (We have already seen the Grand Canyon this year.)
- Pay for floor seats at an NBA game
We have other things on our list too, including financial and career goals but every couple has them. The Baby Bucket List is meant to be a list of fun things that may be expensive or extreme. Of course, these things are possible with kids but they certainly become more complicated. For instance, I’ve dreamed about a month-long yoga emersion for about 6 years now but how could I justify being away from my child for a month just to do yoga? Even if I did it, I probably would not enjoy it”...I’d miss the little Boo Boo too much. Or how can we justify spending hundreds of dollars for to see a basketball game when our child may need clothes? Or how can we drag the baby to the desert conditions of Mecca in 110 degree weather?
My point is, being childfree gives us ultimate flexibility with our time and our money. When we have kids, our time and money will rotate around them and their needs. We look forward to that day in God’s time but for now, we enjoy our life together for exploration. Even if we never get the chance to do everything on our bucket list before we have kids (or even before we die), it is still good for couples to dream together and make precious memories together.
If you and your spouse could write a Bucket List today (whether or not you have kids), what would you put on it? Don’t worry about being realistic”...just dream 🙂
Monea Tamara blogs at The Spiral Notebook.