by Aja Dorsey Jackson
The other day a former client of mine stopped by my office briefly to tell me about a new business venture. He is a single Black man in his mid to late twenties. When he left, my coworkers, all women, all but ran back to my office asking questions about him as though they had just spotted Big Foot. For a moment, I was confused by their reactions. After all, is it really that out of the ordinary to see a young, single Black man?
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, I probably come across a single Black man in a social or professional setting once every six months or so. Granted, I am not looking for a man, so that probably cuts down on the number since I’m never in a situation where trying to find a man is my goal. Yet I did begin to realize that from going to work to going to church to just hanging out, it seems that I am constantly surrounded by women.
It got me wondering, “where are all the men?” And not in that “all Black men are dead, in jail, or gay” kind of way that often gets played up by the media. But in that “where are you physically” kind of way.
I pose this question because I pretty consistently hear the “there are no good Black men out there” stories, and while I know that isn’t true, I also know that I do not see Black men on a regular basis, especially single ones.
So I am asking: Married men, where did your wife find you? Women, where did you meet that good man? And if there are any single Black men reading, please comment so that the next time I hear that there are no good Black men I can tell them where you are!
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Visit her at The Write Resource at https://ajadorseyjackson.com/BLOG.html or follow her on twitter @ ajajackson.
For my fortieth birthday, I went out with some of my friends. Based on my observations from that night, all the black men are hanging out in one particular nightclub in Houston. I think I saw maybe 10 women in the whole place.
.-= Mocha Dad´s last blog ..Making It Last Forever =-.
Thanks Mocha Dad.
My husband and I found each other in graduate school. We met at a Black graduate student organization meeting. All it took was volunteering together with the organization and hanging out for us to realize there was something there. We got married 3 years later. 🙂
I met my future husband on e-harmony. We are both two realist that knew that the person we were both looking to spend their lives with was probably not out much and more than likely behind a computer working. He is owner and found of mybookhead.com and I was in transition from moving from Omaha, Nebraska to Atlanta to start a new career. Good black men are everywhere going about their daily lives. Men and women just have to open their eyes and realize he or she could be anywhere as you go about your daily life. Even on the internet cause we all know everyone is on the internet all the time!! This is the blog we use to chronicle our relationship on what has made and will keep our relationship sustainable from courtship into marriage. Since day one we talk about everything and never cease from practicing strong communication.
.-= Larae Smith´s last blog ..So I went out to a club this past weekend….yes a smoked out,… =-.
I met my husband in the club! Well not really, I first met him when I was 8 at basketball camp, but about 15 years later, we re-met in the club. I think the main thing single people need to realize that, excluding dating sites, you can’t go out looking for someone.. He and I were both there just to have a good time with our friends. We exchanged numbers with the intent to catch up and be friends. Well, being friends turned into being married 5.5 years later. Some of my friends go out looking for someone all the time, and they either find no one, or find a loser! Men are everywhere… you tend to notice them more when you’re not actually looking for them.
I met my possibly future husband on Match.com. And he told me that he would have seen me on the street, he would not have approached me b/c he’d be intimidated =) awww.
As far as seeing single professional black men out and about, not really. I think like Aisha pointed out, if you’re in activities, running clubs, volunteer, you’ll increase your chances of meeting someone.
I met my husband in college. I went to Spelman and he went to Morehouse. The year I started college, the freshman incoming class at Morehouse was double that of Spelman so there were a lot to choose from. LOL
I met my soon to be husband on BlackPeopleMeet.com. I tried to be strategic and find them in public places but it was fruitless so I resorted to online when one of my gf had success that way.
.-= Tracey´s last blog ..Too Independent to be His Wife-Really? =-.
@ Mrs. Dickey, I met my husband in a bar-lol
@ Larae I completely agree with this “Men and women just have to open their eyes and realize he or she could be anywhere as you go about your daily life.” I don’t agree with the statement that you shouldn’t meet people in such and such place because I think that if I am in a particular place, why would that automatically make someone else Mr. Wrong because he is there. I think women limit themselves when they say “I don’t want to date someone from work, or that I met in a club, or that I didn’t meet in church etc.
Its also interesting to see how many people are meeting online. From college on up to about 25 there seemed to be a lot of men everywhere that I went but now that isn’t the case. So I do sometimes wonder how people meet once you get out of that “college” atmosphere. I think online dating used to have a stigma attached but its good to see that it is now a place where love can happen!
I met my husband at work and then later I convinced him to be my neigbor. LOL!! I think as well that people too much emphasis on trying to find Mr. Right and end up with Mr. Wrong. I still think that they are successful single black men out there and they are looking for successful women. I was one of those ppl that felt like I dont want to date my co-worker in keeping with the saying of you don’t s*i$ where you eat, and now hahahaha the jokes on me, I found the love of my life at work. I think love is out there online, clubs, bars, church and when it is meant to be it will be.
Met mine during my freshman year at Notre Dame.
I met my husband on the street, literally. He was walking with someone I knew. But he had seen me before and told someone that he would love me. It was fate 🙂
I live in New Orleans so….. I met my hubby on Bourbon Street while out with a friend celebrating her divorce! He was handsome and charming, so we drank and danced the night away. Very cheesy sounding, I know! But go figure!
I met my husband (of 8 months) at a Mason’s Caberet! The ironic this is that neither of us generally go to anything like that but that’s where he FOUND ME. Ladies, men can tell when we are too “pressed” and they often avoid the women who seem to desprete to find a man. Be patient, he will find you.
@Stephanie – I SOOOO agree. Desperation looks unflattering on everyone. Being on the prowl will typically end with unwanted results. A man can sense when you’re comfortable in your own skin and it definitely shows.
I met my husband during a mentoring program outing when I was an undergrad. He was essentially there probably on the prowl for young girls lol (he was a junior or senior and I was entering my second year), but we ended up in the computer lab together afterwards and literally talked until the same came up. It was history from there 🙂
I met my husband and my job’s christmas party (I worked with a friend of his). When I think about where most of my friends met their husbands, it always seems to be some type of connection, a friend introduced them or they had a friend in common. Or some have met at private parties, but again, because someone knows someone.
I met my husband when I sat down next to him on the first day of class in college. We were friends for 3 years {and he had a crush on me the whole time!} before we finally started dating.
I think I was really blessed with the guy I found in college…but I don’t know if I’d recommend it as a place to find guys! I think most men in college are thinking about fun, not commitment. :/
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..Relaxation, Rejuvenation…Romance? =-.
@Tiya – I agree. I think it is good to meet people through mutual friends. That’s how I met Lamar.
at the library, he worked there
Aja,
I am currently in a relationship BUT up to the point that I met the young lady that I am in relationship I could have been found anywhere. I was at church, in the bowling alley, out riding my motorcycle, going to outdoor Jazz Festivals, and you could find me playing softball and football in leagues a couple days a week. I think that Black men are everywhere it’s just that like someone else mentioned sometimes women are looking for us in all the wrong places. I love to “DANCE” when I go out to the club notice I put an emphasis on “DANCE” because I dont drink so you would never find me at the bar and even though Im quite sure I could be in the V.I.P. with all the other people who enjoy that separation and the feeling as though they are untouchable I prefer otherwise to be out in the midst of all of the regular folks where I am accessible. I just think that people now-a-days either don’t or won’t take out a little time to meet people. Just because a man stops while he is out to speak to a woman or vice versa that does not mean that they are searching for a mate. Good conversation is at a premium right now and I feel like we as people have forgotten what that is and once we understand and regain that appreciation for something as harmless as conversation with one another then I don’t think that soo many women will be asking that question.
Once again I reiterate that I was single and no one was looking my way until I came across the young lady that I am with currently and even then it all started with good conversation and the only desire that either one of us had was just to meet a good person to hopefully become friends with. We weren’t even in the mindset of looking for a relationship.
I encourage women to step outside of their comfort zone when looking to engage good men. We are not always at the places that women feel comfortable going to for one reason or another. If a woman were not interested in watching sports then there’s a good chance that we would never meet because that is a big part of my life recreational and otherwise. Not all women enjoy sitting outside on a warm to hot weekday evening watching a recreational softball or football game but there are plenty of single men out there playing because of the simple fact that they are not in a relationship and can focus on doing the things that they enjoy doing plus its great exercise for us as we get older.
Match.com, been together for 6 years and married for 4.
Great comments. There are really good men out there. No one wants to be alone. I find it intersting that you can find love on line. LOL. I met my husband through mutual friends. We talked over the phone for endless hours for two weeks before we ever met. We have been married for almost 13 yrs.
@ The Gentlemen. Yes, men can be found anywhere. The problem is that some women are too bitter or to upidy(sp) to take notice. Yet on the other hand some women are so desperate and give the no good man a chance and get disappointed and want to bash all men. We get what we attract, and I love what I got. LOL.
I met my hubby at work in 2001. We didn’t start dating until 2004. Someone at my office got fired and he had to come fill in for a couple weeks. It might sound mean, but I thank God every day that person got fired, otherwise I wouldn’t have found my soulmate :o)
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..The Best I Ever Had =-.
I met my wife on eharmony.com. Our circle of friends are so different we wouldn’t have found each other without it.
I think it’s cool that so many people met online. Despite those who say that it’s “weird” or “desperate” I think it is a perfectly logical tool to make connections with people. If the people you’re looking for aren’t in your daily round you have to do something different to get what you want. With reasonable caution it can work. Kudos to you guys for thinking out of the box and reaping the rewards!
I met my wife while hosting an open mic. I remember it like it was yesterday. The place was so small, the stage was right at the entrance so I could everybody coming in.. the rest is history
.-= dantresomi´s last blog .. =-.
I met my hubby in the library at Bethune-Cookman College. I def did not go to the library looking to find a husband and normally a “jazzy” chick, met him wearing jeans and a t-shirt and now make up. 🙂
We will have been married 3 years next month.
I met my husband in college then we re-met 4 yrs later at a club in our hometown. I know I see ALOT of men at the my gym.