Recently I commented on a post that had a topic very similar to this. After leaving my comment I began to think about two things (1) organizational charts and (2) good customer service. Successful organizations have order and structure and some type of hierarchy. Successful organizations also typically have good customer service. When a place has good customer service, you will go back again and again because they have a way of making you feel like you are their most important client.
Now, how does organizational structure relate to the home? Every home needs some sort of structure. I’m not telling you what structure to have, that’s between you and your spouse. Your structure may be determined by religious beliefs, it may be determined by what your parents did or did not do. Your structure could be influenced by how your last spouse treated you or even by societal norms. Your family structure is up to you, and should be agreed upon by both spouses. You need structure so that you can form your own family norms.
How does customer service relate to this? Good customer service makes you feel special and well taken care of. With good customer service it doesn’t matter if things are busy, 50 customers are on hold or you are the low man on the totem pole while others hold a higher position than you. You still are made to feel valued and appreciated. That’s good customer service.
In a husband wife relationship, are we capable of providing good customer service to one another? Can we express love for each other in such a way that the kids come first or my spouse comes first doesn’t become an issue because everyone is well taken care of? Most parents never want their children to feel that one child is more special than the other.
We don’t want our kids to feel like we have a favorite child and they may or may not be that one. Who wants to come in a close second? Same holds true for your mate.
A child’s needs must be taken care of; that is the basic parental responsibility. Our children need us. Yet, we can take good care of our children and our mate (as well as care for ourselves). It’s something both spouses do for each other.
Our children and our spouse hold uniquely different spaces in our heart and both are irreplaceable. We should not have the thought “no one can replace my child, but I can get another spouse”. (If that is the thought that’s a whole different conversation). Competition, jealousy, playing one against the other, have no place in the family as children and spouse stand in their specific positions.
Our love for our spouse and children should be genuine and unconditional, yet the love is different. The needs of our child are valuable. The needs of our spouse are just as valuable. The difference is, a spouse is grown and can do for him/herself, while there are things children cannot yet do on their own.
If you work together as a family unit, caring for one another, no one is left out of the picture. This is seen as good customer service. Our home is not a large organization like Chick-fil-a or Zappos, but we can pull good qualities from their customer service examples. Many of us already use these skills at work, but forget them as soon as we walk through the door at home.
So BMWK who comes first, the children or your mate?
I’ve had so many discussions about this topic. Being young and married it’s very interesting seeing my peer’ (single and married) react to this question. In our home, we are quite old school. My husband comes first in just about all matters because naturally, the children’s needs are already taken care of.
I’m a stay at home mom, homeschooler and entrepreneur so my little ones get my attention ALL DAY! When my husband gets home in the evening not only does he need my attention, but I need his!
We do YouTube videos sharing our lifestyle with others in our community and we see the “who eats first” question a lot. Most of our peers have never seen the way homes were run back in the day so “daddy gets the big piece of chicken” is nowhere in their thoughts. Most young women say “he can fix his own plate” but the way I understand it is: If there is enough food to go around, I feed the man first. Why? Because the children learn to respect and revere their fathers’ (or the head of household’s) authority through me. We’re all going to eat!
We know that many of the ills of our society have sprang up from the degradation of the family/home life structure and we’re committed to building in a way that nurtures the value of functioning, happy families.
nspiyahd life, thank you for your comment. I understand exactly where you are coming from. Do your thing, if you are able to home school, run your business,take care of home and take good care of hubby you are all the ball. Through your life’s example you will touch the heart of others.
This is an interesting question. But the answers are unique given the type of household. So many factors go into this question, is this a nuclear or blended household? I think it is much more difficult to put your spouse before your children when the spouse is not the biological parent. There is an unsaid expectation of treating everyone fairly and equally-stepchild(ren) and biological children. So trying to level the playing field in this situation can be difficult. It can be just as challenging when there is a big age difference between the children in any household. For small children, their needs seem to almost outweigh those of older children because they aren’t able to communicate clearly. I don’t think any parent purposely tries to put their spouse or children in the forefront while putting another on the backburner, but unintentionally it happens.